My Day Vs. Food

I’ve had a few people ask me since I had my “Ah-ha” moment a few months ago to post a day of food…and talk about eating intuitively. It has been an interesting road for sure, going from worrying about my next meal or snack just after I have finished eating, to flying by the seat of my pants when it comes to food. I’m glad I picked yesterday to document my food because there were lots of things that would have happened back in my ED days that didn’t.

I woke up yesterday and planned on running first thing, but I was having a hard time waking up. Instead I decided to have breakfast first, wait a bit, then head out to the beach to run. I had a bowl of Kashi go lean crunch almonds and flax with vanilla unsweetened almond milk and strawberries fresh from the farmers market.

Breakfast(Sorry for the crap photo, I lost my digital camera and had to use my phone)

I’ve been having some jaw problems lately, including not being able to chew on hard things or opening my mouth very wide (damned stress induced teeth grinding), so I usually let my cereal soak up all the milk before I eat it.  It’s quite annoying, but I’m doing what I can to make it better.

I headed out to the bike trail along the beach near the Ventura Pier and ran a steady 5 miles in 42:30 (8:30 min/mile pace). I’ve been working really hard on my posture and stride and with that has come some speed! It’s been fun getting speedier and I’m excited to run a race soon! That and I haven’t had any more hip pain (fingers crossed). Yay!

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I came back and immediately refueled with a some Lemon Vitamin Water mixed with some extra water (stuff is whacked out way too sweet but I need the electrolytes even after a 5 miler. I sweat way too freaking much). If I don’t have this after runs more than 5 miles I get raging headaches that last all day and just about kill me. Lessons learned after well, listening to my body for once. I used to think I just needed to take some advil and drink more water but in reality I lose so much salt and electrolytes when I run that this is the only remedy!

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I cleaned up and was hungry the second I stopped to think about what to do next. In addition to the new form and stride has come some unwanted muscle exhaustion and discomfort so I’ve been refueling not only with the vitamin water but also my Chocolate Vegan Shakeology. When I drank this stuff after my Insanity workouts it was amazing how much less muscle fatigue I had versus when I didn’t drink it. I mixed a scoop of the Shakeology powder with some organic kale, organic frozen mixed berries, organic frozen mango and unsweetened vanilla almond breeze. Stuff is super thick thanks to the mango (so much thicker than using bananas I think!) and delicious!

I want to add something to my lunch decision. Back in the day, this would not have happened. Why? Because it was not past noon yet. Isn’t that ridiculous?! Ok, so when my ED ruled my life I could never eat lunch before noon. If I ate before noon, it meant that I might get hungry before three, when it was “allowed” to eat a snack and that I might get hungrier earlier than that, making me super anxious and annoyed. Not now kids! I eat whenever the hell I want; I listen to my stomach no matter what time the clock says. So, just a little side note there for you…

Anyhow, I went out and ran a few errands to get some things for around Whit’s place. Living at his place means that lots of things are missing…typical bachelor pad. Hrmph. I bought a big cutting board because there is no counter space and now I can cover half of his huge sink to solve that problem! And of course there was the purchase of a bath mat…haha. I also ended up getting a cute outfit for the surprise I’ve planned for tomorrow!!! I can’t wait to tell you guys all about it!! EEK! I’ve been waiting weeks for tomorrow to come!

By the time I got home I was famished. Was it three o’clock? Nope. But my stomach was growling like mad and I had to oblige. Thank goodness my mentality has changed otherwise the hour long wait for three to come would have been miserable! I grabbed the first thing that sounded good: mixed berry soy yogurt and some fresh granola from the bulk bin at Lassen’s (a health food store in SoCal).

20130412_142541I also guzzled some more water because my lips were chapped; one of the first signs that I’m still dehydrated. I was also still craving something else and decided that I wanted to try one of my new purchases and cravings that I’ve had for over a week: A COOKIE! And a good VEGAN cookie at that!

20130412_153111I can tell these are not going to last long around me. So. Freaking. Good. This is Uncle Eddie’s Vgan Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip variety and let me just say I cannot wait to try the other varieties!

ED side not here, this would not have happened back in the day. If my body had said, “I want a cookie!” I would have told it to shut the hell up, that I had already had something sweet in the form of that soy yogurt, and I could have it tomorrow. Maybe. If I was good. Whaaaaat? Madness! Now, I eat what I want, when I want, no matter what. Because you know what happens when I don’t? That craving does not go away, even when I eat or drink something else in hopes that it will satisfy that craving. It ends up just building and building over time, whether it be a few hours or days, and then I go overboard. I can’t hold myself back and will eat too many to the point of feeling sick. Not fun. So, if I eat one cookie now, when I want it, I’m able to eat that one cookie now, enjoy it, and move on! Such a relief from the old days!

Anyhow, I did a ton of laundry while waiting for Whit to get off work then started on dinner! I had been craving Vegan Pad Thai for some time and decided to try making it myself at home. Well, first time is not a charm, but it was edible and Whit liked it (although he eats anything and everything…so maybe he was just hungry…heh).

20130412_190414It included lots of good stuff including: fresh garlic, fresh ginger, onion, carrots, mushrooms, bell pepper, broccoli, green onion, tofu, rice noodles, chili sauce, soy sauce, and black pepper. Mental  note for next time: DO NOT OVERCOOK THE NOODLES. Yeah…mine sat in the water for a little too long and got mushy. Boo.

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I shared a beer with Whit while eating dinner and it tasted great. I never used to drink alcohol because I was always scared of the “empty calories” but now I’m like, bring it on! No need to not enjoy a drink here and there!

Of course I had dessert too. Forget that whole, only have dessert a few nights a week. If I want dessert, I’m going to have dessert! I don’t ever eat very much for dessert anyhow because like I said earlier, if I eat what I want when I want it, not only am I physically satisfied but also mentally! So, I had another cookie that I had from this afternoon…I told you they were good. Ok, I had two. So sue me! I knew though that I was drawing the line at two because towards the end I wasn’t feeling so hot. Yikes. Lesson learned!

Another ED side note here, again, this definitely would not have happened. I would have kicked myself for hours afterwords and probably the next morning for having those extra cookies. I would have beaten myself up over the lack of control over sugar or desserts or chocolate or whatever. I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy those cookies and instead sent myself on a massive guilt trip. I also would have planned out how to burn off those calories the next morning (which btw I didn’t and haven’t…I got up this morning and just went birding for a few hours instead of running like…10 miles or something to burn them off). Again, thank goodness I don’t think like that anymore. It’s exhausting just thinking about it!

So there is my day of eating…or simply my day with food in it. No longer is my day centered around what I’m going to eat, or what I’m allowed to eat (usually based on what exercise I’ve done) but simply by what my body needs based on what I’ve done and want. It’s such a relief to eat this way…I sometimes can’t believe all the things I’ve missed out on because of my eating disorder and the way I used to think about food.

Hopefully this helps anyone who is still struggling with their meals, food choices, calorie counting (I don’t count calories anymore either! Woohoo!) or trying to eat intuitively. Like I keep saying, this takes time, but when it comes, you will know and it will be so relaxing and welcoming. The relief of not having to think about food all the time will make life so much more enjoyable and just worth doing what you want to do!

If you have any questions please feel free to ask, or email me (trying.to.heal [at] gmail.com) anytime! I want to help anyone I can in any way I can!!! Happiness after an eating disorder is possible!

This entry was posted in Anxiety, Birds, chocolate, dessert, dinner, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Recovery, ED entry, ED Side Note, Fears, Green Smoothie, Guilt, Hunger, Insanity, Intuitive Eating, lunch, Negative Thoughts, New Foods, Recovery, Running, Shakeology, Side Notes, Soy Yogurt, Stress, Vegan, Ventura and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to My Day Vs. Food

  1. This is so great, Melissa! I love the message and how confident you are – it makes me so happy. :) Not to mention the fact that you ate some delicious foods. I still need to try Shakeology!

  2. That is good that you know your body well enough to know that it needs the electrolytes after a run. It is great that you have learned to not center your day around what you are going to eat. What a sweet release!

    • Melissa says:

      Yes, definitely a sweet release! I never used to be like that when I trained for cross country in high school but our bodies change and so I’ve learned to adjust…without being stubborn!

  3. That is such an awesome improvement over what you described from the past! Being in recovery from alcoholism myself, I am very much an “all-or-nothing” kind of person. I have had the same ED mentality that you described above before, myself! It sucks, and it’s a hard mentality to let go of. I never had a full blown ED, but definitely have had the unhealthy mindset around food. That was mostly when I didn’t workout, though. Now that I workout, I feel like I go with what I think my body needs more. It a good reminder to read your blog and understand how you think about what’s healthy for your body, as well! Thanks so much for sharing! Awesome pace, too, btw! I can’t wait to hear about tomorrow!

    • Melissa says:

      Thanks Stacey! I wish we had gotten more of a chance to talk when I was in AZ! So great that you can believe what your body is telling you when it wants something! Makes eating and living so much easier, right?! I’m glad you liked my post!

  4. Great post and adore the intuitive eating info and confidence too. The Vegan Pad Thai looks fabulous!

  5. Karla says:

    This is amazing, Melissa. My favorite part: “No longer is my day centered around what I’m going to eat, or what I’m allowed to eat (usually based on what exercise I’ve done) but simply by what my body needs based on what I’ve done and want.” How life-changing is that?! You rock, girl, and I’m SO happy that you’re so happy. :)

    And now I can’t wait to hear about this big surprise tomorrow and your fun new outfit!

    • Melissa says:

      Thanks Karla! It is definitely life changing and I’m loving it for sure! I just posted about my big surprise if you want to check it out!

  6. This was such a great post to see! I’ve seen many recovering/recovered bloggers talk about eating “intuitively” but then show a whole day of food, only to be eating the exact same thing they were in their ED days! Your day looked like a normal, satisfying, healthy day of food. Yay for you!

    • Melissa says:

      Thanks Sarah! I have been seeing the same posts too, and I can still see all the behaviours I’ve tried to avoid for years. It takes time I know, and I know too that many of these ladies have not made quite all the steps to get where they really think they are. I went through the same thing, thinking I was eating intuitively but still eating the same things from years before. I can only hope that one day they get to this point.

  7. Amy Lauren says:

    I liked your post and all your food looks so tasty and healthy and very balanced. There’s more to a balanced diet than including fruits and veggies but yeah, dessert IS a part of that. I also eat it every day and just don’t eat very much, usually just a little frozen yogurt before bed. It works for me! No need to deprive yourself and you don’t :). Plus your still working out but not like crazy or anything. You’re eating to fuel your runs, not running to justify your eats :). Big difference.

    • Melissa says:

      Yeah, I’m so glad my mind has changed from “Running for food” to “Food for running”, ya know? It makes life so much easier and well, more enjoyable. And yo ho for dessert! There is no need for us not to have it when we want!

  8. Krista says:

    You’ve come so far, Melissa! I’m glad you’re finally at a place of peace with food…:)

    • Melissa says:

      Thanks Krista! All that hard work couldn’t have been done without support and encouraging words from blogger friends like you!

  9. Sonia says:

    Hi Melissa! I have recently found you (again) on Google Reader! I don’t know why your blog disappeared from my feed, but I have been following you on instagram (I’m the iheartbosco that always likes your pics haha)and now I’ve got you back in my reader :) I’ve been enjoying catching up on what I mssed and I love this post and seeing how your food attitude has changed! I also wanted to link you to my absolute fave vegan pad thai recipe: http://dingoscook.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/brooklyn-pad-thai-from-vegan-with-a-vengeance/
    The sauce is spot on (without a fish sauce ingredient!) and I usually add tofu. Looking forward to reading more from you!

    • Melissa says:

      Thanks Sonia! I checked out your pad thai recipe and it looks delicious! I will try it in the future the next time I get my hands on some rice noodles! Thanks for catching up and I’m sure you’ve heard that google reader is going away soon so make sure to add my blog to whatever reader you decide to use next (I’m using feedly; I really like it!)

  10. Biz says:

    I am just jumping for joy at how positive this post is Mel! You should be so proud of yourself!!

    Best line for me? “Not now kids! I eat whenever the hell I want!”

  11. Nik says:

    i was just wondering if fats were a fear food of yours? it seems you didn’t have any alll day and just didn’t know if you were subconsciencely avoiding them? Thats really awesome im reading all about your recovery and you are soo inspiring!

    • Melissa says:

      Hi Nik, Thanks for coming over to visit the blog and I’m glad you are enjoying my Side Notes entries. You make a good observation with the lack of fat in my day, and yes, it used to be a fear food. Now, I can gladly say it is not. So why not more fat in this day? I can’t say specifically, but I wasn’t avoiding it! I ten to focus more on things like protein and kind of put everything else on the back burner…haha! Otherwise, fats are my best friend! Some days have more fat than others so it just kind of him’s and ha’s throughout the week! Enjoy and I hope you keep reading the blog!

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