Side Notes: My How Times Have Changed, For The Good

Side Notes: My How Times Have Changed, For The Good

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Lets see, when was the last time I wrote a Side Note for you guys…hrm, since the beginning of the year with my look into the New Year and everything last year brought to me with recovery. Well, things are getting even better.

Something has finally clicked. And when I say clicked, I mean REALLY CLICKED.

As in, I NO LONGER THINK ABOUT FOOD ALL THE TIME. As a matter of fact, I actually forget to think about food! Ok, not to the point where I’m going to get sick again, but it’s just not a huge priority like it used to be! Win!

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I now can go out and do things and not worry about when my next meal is! I am able to just go with the flow most of the time when I do get hungry, allowing myself to find something if I truly need to eat, not just have to eat because it’s lunch or think I have to eat because it’s been a few hours. My brain has finally adjusted to the: only eat when you’re hungry! And EAT WHAT YOU WANT! No more being scared of foods!!!!

There is also no more planning what to eat earlier in the day to prepare for a dinner out. I simply eat what I feel like eating and let my stomach decide when to stop! And not only that, but there is no more guilt the morning after going out to eat for dinner. No planning what the workout will be to burn off those extra calories eaten, no restricting the next day to make up for everything, just enjoying the food I’m deciding to eat while out and eating it!

I can’t even begin to tell you how freeing this feeling is. No more worrying? No more thinking? No more guilt? What!? I can eat what I want and won’t blow up into a blimp overnight? My pants being tight doesn’t mean I’m a failure and everyone thinks I’m fat?! Goodness I think my brain has finally done it!

It’s a miracle, seriously. I have been WISHING and HOPING for this to happen for almost TEN YEARS. That my friends, is a very long time to be thinking and feeling guilty about food. A very long and torturous time. A time that I have learned a lot of things, not just about the world but also myself, and how it has built me as a person into who I am today.

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I wish there were a way to really express how excited I am to have gotten to this step. I wonder though, had I not gone to Peru, gained 10+ pounds and had to learn to just deal with the weight, would I be at the stage I’m at right now? Would I have recovered so much in the past few months that I have? God knows I’m so thankful for that trip, not just because I got to play with hummingbirds all the time, but for everything else it brought to me. But it happened and this happened, so hurray!!

Now, I’m off to run because I want to run, not because I need to burn off that vegan brownie I ate earlier, that tasted DELICIOUS btw. And I plan on having whatever the heck I want for dinner, no matter what.

What have you learned lately that you’re excited about?! Doesn’t have to be anything crazy or deep; it can be a simple fact that might be interesting!!!

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15 Responses to Side Notes: My How Times Have Changed, For The Good

  1. Gena says:

    Hooray. That is all.

  2. So happy for you, Melissa!!

  3. Maggie says:

    I’m jumping up and down in excitement for you right now. :D Best news I’ve heard all day.

  4. makes me so happy to read this :)

  5. Lee says:

    That’s great! Glad to hear it.

  6. Yay! (Both for you and the vegan brownies. ;-)

  7. Amy Lauren says:

    I loved reading this :). So proud of you Melissa, those of us who’ve been reading for a long time have definitely noticed the change especially when you went to Peru. I guess by living outside the country for so long, in another culture, completely different over there, it really helped you make leaps in your recovery rather than the baby steps you get in your comfort zone. The side notes posts are great, but I’m also glad you’ve overcome so much to the point you don’t write them much anymore, that will surely give lots of other readers hope <3

  8. Tiff says:

    Hi Melissa,

    I feel like I am getting REALLY close to where you are. Yesterday I ate an entire Alternative Baking Co. cookie (vegan cookies that you have to try if you haven’t already, yummm) all by myself because I just felt like it in addition lots of nut butter straight from the jar…No tears and self hate after. This post is so inspiring–I feel like recovery for me is within reach!

    You are so right, just because our pants are tighter does not mean we have failed!!

    Keep it up, you have been looking radiant in your photos and I can feel the happiness in your writing. You give me hope! I hope you continue to write little side notes.

  9. So great to read about your journey, and the peace you have found. I remember a time when I thought these things weren’t possible, and that once those thoughts of control/guilt/etc entered your mind, they were there forever, but I definitely relate to the gratitude and freedom that comes with that letting go, and I am so happy for you and the growth you’ve made throughout your journey–it’s not an easy road, and you are so brave to share it so honestly in order to help others!

  10. Awesome :) I feel like I am getting there slowly as well, this year has definitley been a turning point for me so far!

  11. Mica says:

    Hooray! This is great. I am so happy for you. You must feel so much freer and lighter after so many years of feeling restricted. Go enjoy yourself!!

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