Side Notes: My How Times Have Changed, For The Good
Lets see, when was the last time I wrote a Side Note for you guys…hrm, since the beginning of the year with my look into the New Year and everything last year brought to me with recovery. Well, things are getting even better.
Something has finally clicked. And when I say clicked, I mean REALLY CLICKED.
As in, I NO LONGER THINK ABOUT FOOD ALL THE TIME. As a matter of fact, I actually forget to think about food! Ok, not to the point where I’m going to get sick again, but it’s just not a huge priority like it used to be! Win!
I now can go out and do things and not worry about when my next meal is! I am able to just go with the flow most of the time when I do get hungry, allowing myself to find something if I truly need to eat, not just have to eat because it’s lunch or think I have to eat because it’s been a few hours. My brain has finally adjusted to the: only eat when you’re hungry! And EAT WHAT YOU WANT! No more being scared of foods!!!!
There is also no more planning what to eat earlier in the day to prepare for a dinner out. I simply eat what I feel like eating and let my stomach decide when to stop! And not only that, but there is no more guilt the morning after going out to eat for dinner. No planning what the workout will be to burn off those extra calories eaten, no restricting the next day to make up for everything, just enjoying the food I’m deciding to eat while out and eating it!
I can’t even begin to tell you how freeing this feeling is. No more worrying? No more thinking? No more guilt? What!? I can eat what I want and won’t blow up into a blimp overnight? My pants being tight doesn’t mean I’m a failure and everyone thinks I’m fat?! Goodness I think my brain has finally done it!
It’s a miracle, seriously. I have been WISHING and HOPING for this to happen for almost TEN YEARS. That my friends, is a very long time to be thinking and feeling guilty about food. A very long and torturous time. A time that I have learned a lot of things, not just about the world but also myself, and how it has built me as a person into who I am today.
I wish there were a way to really express how excited I am to have gotten to this step. I wonder though, had I not gone to Peru, gained 10+ pounds and had to learn to just deal with the weight, would I be at the stage I’m at right now? Would I have recovered so much in the past few months that I have? God knows I’m so thankful for that trip, not just because I got to play with hummingbirds all the time, but for everything else it brought to me. But it happened and this happened, so hurray!!
Now, I’m off to run because I want to run, not because I need to burn off that vegan brownie I ate earlier, that tasted DELICIOUS btw. And I plan on having whatever the heck I want for dinner, no matter what.
What have you learned lately that you’re excited about?! Doesn’t have to be anything crazy or deep; it can be a simple fact that might be interesting!!!