In The Way

Life, is what has gotten in the way.  Oh, and work mornings that start with me getting up at 4am.  Not so much fun when you’re out in the blazing heat of the desert.  But that’s beside the point!

Things have been great, and not so great all at the same time.  I can’t quite pinpoint exactly where all the feelings are coming from…but they’re there.  At least I have my brother’s awesome girlfriend to send me cute pictures of my Honey:

(Gosh I miss her. I need cuddle time!)

I sure do miss that face.  All this moving and being away from family and Whit is getting harder and harder.  Yeesh.  But, I have been spending some time with friends on the weekends!  For instance, last weekend was Bobbi‘s Birthday in which we had a girls night out!  I was able to go out with them and enjoy some great food over the course of 24 hours!

It was fun being able to hang out and be a girly girl again, even if just for a little bit.  Because currently, my wardrobe has consisted of this every single day:

Nice, right? Hrmf.  What you can’t see if the gallons of sweat I’m carrying around with me!  LOL…ok, enough of my field grossness.  Oh, but I have been seeing some great animals lately!

Ah, the wonders of nature…this is why I do what I do, so I can see these wild things in their natural elements and environment!!!

Anyhow, besides being outdoors for work I’ve been hitting up the mountain scenery just West of where I live for some gorgeous hiking.  Reminds me of where I used to live just a few months ago; boy do I miss the mountains.

Isn’t that gorgeous?  8,000 ft in elevation and just amazing!

But things have been other than amazing, and this is where the hard stuff comes into play.  Maybe it’s the exhaustion (remember, 4am wake up calls and working in 100+ degree heat), maybe it’s the loneliness or just…other things, but my body dysmorphia has been in full swing.  I don’t think I’ve been able to go for a day in the past few weeks without really beating and getting all crazy on myself.  Obviously I used to go to my counselor and could call her up for an appointment for some help, but now that I’ve moved it’s not as easy.  We did discuss having some phone sessions and I plan on calling her ASAP to get one set up and see if it helps.

It’s been a hard road the past few weeks to say the least.  I’m trying hard to stay motivated and positive but we all know how we can stray from the strength that holds us there.  I guess not being able to really pin point where the anxiety is coming from doesn’t help the situation and as soon as I’m able to figure it out, things will get easier and more bearable.  I hate that this is starting to happen again and really despise the feelings, but all I can really do at this point is work hard to overcome them.  Not an easy task, but an attainable one.

So hopefully you will bear with me as I try to get through this rough patch. I would love to be blogging more but for right now, it’s just not the case.  I’ve had little motivation to talk about anything really, even though I would really love to.

Until next time…Happy Belated Earth Day and I hope you did something wonderful for the environment.

This entry was posted in Anxiety, Birthdays, Blogger Love, Confession, Earth Day 2012, Eating Disorder, ED entry, Environment, family, Fears, Field Work, Hiking, Honey, Negative Thoughts, Stress, Travel, Whit, work and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to In The Way

  1. I am sorry you are having a rough time now. Transition and change is usually what makes my anxiety spike and with that goes my body image. Take time for yourself and don’t put too much pressure on what you should be doing or what you should be thinking. It will all fall into place. We all stumble but get back up.

    Your work days seem so rough, I give you credit for all of your hard work in that heat and long days!

  2. Amy Lauren says:

    Sorry about the body image struggles. I can definitely relate, and I think that being in a new place, new people, and of course away from loved ones can really amplify any internal issues with anyone struggling, not just body image issues. Still, it looks like you’re doing well, having fun with your friends and surviving those early morning wake up calls… and snake encounters! Just seeing those pics freaks me out because I am not a fan of slithering creatures!!!

    I hope things calm down for you soon. Maybe a phone session with your therapist might help, you never know :).

  3. Kim says:

    Big life changes really up my anxiety, as well. And with my husband in the military, there are a lot of big changes. I hope you learn the trick to dealing with it… and if you do, let me know!

    And wow, those animals! I lived in the desert for two years and hardly saw more than roadrunners and a few lizards. I guess I wasn’t looking in the right places! Those photos are amazing!

  4. Jade says:

    I’m sorry that you are struggling right now, Melissa! Hang in there! You should be proud of yourself for even getting in those Insanity Workouts on top of the hiking and exertion of high temps!
    The critters you are encountering are amazing… you’re really inspiring me to hang in there and get that Envi. Studies degree!
    And happy Earth Day to you, too!

  5. Love the kitty pictures, the snakes not so much. More cute birds! ;) Hope the transition gets a little easier. Hang in there!

  6. Sarah says:

    I definitely know how you feel. I had to leave my cat in the US and it killed me. Every time I see pictures of him (he lives with my sister), I die a little inside. A bit dramatic, probably, but really…I do understand how hard it can be to transition to a place alone, without the people (and pets!) you love most. But it’s really good that you’re still doing work that you love and seeing so many amazing things. The scenery was beautiful, as were the snakes, lizards and birds! I love snakes….even as my heartbeat quickens a bit when I see one, I can’t help but stop and admire.

    It’s so funny to see the contrast of you with your friends versus field clothes! People used to think I was a little boy when I was out in the field decked out in Carhartt overalls and big steel toe boots :-)

    (I think you look beautiful, by the way…tell your body dysmorphia voice to suck it! Okay, okay…I know it’s not that easy…)

  7. Krista says:

    Sorry to hear your new environment has you feeling out of sorts. (((HUGS!!!)))

  8. Amy says:

    Melissa, I am sorry that you’re having a hard time at the moment. You are certainly one busy woman and that doesn’t always leave a lot of time to work yourself into a positive head space.
    A few weeks ago I had some bad body time as well, and my depression monster was not a fun person to live with. I have realised that when I am not actively pursuing my own life I can very easily slip back into a darker place. I found that getting out with my friends and even university work can pull me out.
    I hope that hanging out with your friends helps, and being surrounded by so many wonders every day reminds you of the beauty that is the universe that is also present in you too.
    Take care my friend.

  9. I love you and am thinking of you. Glad you were able to have a girl’s weekend with Bobbi and those nature pictures are NUTS! I saw a baby rattler on the golf course this weekend and ran clear the other direction. You are a brave, brave woman. :) I love your devotion to nature! Let’s catch up soon. Hope you’ve been feeling better this weekend.

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