[[Side Notes: The Blog
I saw my councelor this week after almost three weeks and had a lot to discuss. There were many instances during the holidays that had me pulling my hair and well, scrutinizing myself in every way shape or form about my body. It was hard at times, but she helped by pointing out that even though there were irrational/negative thoughts, that I didn't go through with them and punish myself afterwards. I was always strong enough to walk away from those thoughts and be the stronger woman.
She always asks me how my blogging is going and truthfully, I told her that I was discouraged. I have been watching the stats and interest in the blog drop since I switched to my new website address and that things just aren't like they were. I discussed how the only time I really get any response is when I write a Side Note, but that I hadn't felt any need to write one lately.
"Ding ding ding," she says..."Melissa, do you realize that the reason you're not writing Side Notes as much is because you really are getting better? Yes there are still hard times that make you frustrated, but you must be having less and less of them if you don't have to write those entries anymore and ask for your friend's support."
I had never thought of it that way. I suppose that for some time, I have felt like I have always been identified by my eating disorder on the blog and that if it wasn't there to talk about, who would want to talk to me or read the blog? Of course that's crazy, but the thought has been there.
So I as write less and less Side Notes (yay!) I feel like I have less and less content to write about on the blog. I love writing about the environment, but the realm that I'm involved in is not as concerned for the most part with the environment as much as I am. I'm always frustred how to put myself out there to make people more aware of how the environment is affected simply by your everyday life and things we eat...but yeah. I don't know, I'm kind of at a loss.
But, the point of this Side Note was to point out that well, I really am making some progress after all these years! My Side Notes have helped since they started over two years ago and as they may dwindle, I'll still be around and healing...since I even had a moment where I told Whit I looked fat...I can't even begin to describe how crazy I thought I was the second that came out of my mouth. Body dysmorphia problems still to work on.... ]]