Side Notes: The Blog

[[Side Notes: The Blog

I saw my councelor this week after almost three weeks and had a lot to discuss.  There were many instances during the holidays that had me pulling my hair and well, scrutinizing myself in every way shape or form about my body.  It was hard at times, but she helped by pointing out that even though there were irrational/negative thoughts, that I didn't go through with them and punish myself afterwards. I was always strong enough to walk away from those thoughts and be the stronger woman.

She always asks me how my blogging is going and truthfully, I told her that I was discouraged.  I have been watching the stats and interest in the blog drop since I switched to my new website address and that things just aren't like they were.  I discussed how the only time I really get any response is when I write a Side Note, but that I hadn't felt any need to write one lately.

"Ding ding ding," she says..."Melissa, do you realize that the reason you're not writing Side Notes as much is because you really are getting better?  Yes there are still hard times that make you frustrated, but you must be having less and less of them if you don't have to write those entries anymore and ask for your friend's support."

I had never thought of it that way.  I suppose that for some time, I have felt like I have always been identified by my eating disorder on the blog and that if it wasn't there to talk about, who would want to talk to me or read the blog?  Of course that's crazy, but the thought has been there. 

So I as write less and less Side Notes (yay!) I feel like I have less and less content to write about on the blog. I love writing about the environment, but the realm that I'm involved in is not as concerned for the most part with the environment as much as I am.  I'm always frustred how to put myself out there to make people more aware of how the environment is affected simply by your everyday life and things we eat...but yeah.  I don't know, I'm kind of at a loss.

But, the point of this Side Note was to point out that well, I really am making some progress after all these years!  My Side Notes have helped since they started over two years ago and as they may dwindle, I'll still be around and healing...since I even had a moment where I told Whit I looked fat...I can't even begin to describe how crazy I thought I was the second that came out of my mouth.  Body dysmorphia problems still to work on.... ]]

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19 Responses to Side Notes: The Blog

  1. Adrienne says:

    Conrgats on your personal progress! I’m trying to do the same, although having a bit of a self-confidence issue right now. Just wanted to say, though, that your blog is fantastic and I like the combination of side notes, family posts, food posts, and work posts. I like not knowing exactly what I’ll be reading about when I click over, since some blogs are overly predictable.

    • Melissa says:

      Ah, Thanks Adrienne! I always worry that my randomness with the blog pushes people aways, but glad to hear it doesn’t! And I hope that you have an unbelieveable Friday and that your self-confidence sky rockets this weekend! Remember to smile and have fun!!!

  2. M says:

    I am happy that you are feeling so much better. I hope I can make an observation/suggestion without being presumptuous. There are a million “healthy living” blogs out there that consist of photo upon photo of oatmeal and lists of splits and PRs, with so many sponsors it feels like watching TV. Your blog and perspective are unique because of your honesty with your struggles. You are still a unique person with a unique perspective. Re-identify yourself. You can still write about ED, or the environment, or anxiety, or exercise. What do you want this blog to be? A food journal? An exercise log? A way of staying in touch? I think identifying what you want will help you be happy with what you have or find a way to change. I hope you will keep writing about whatever is important to you, here or elsewhere.

  3. Jade says:

    I’m so happy to hear that you’re overcoming all of your past struggles! Congrats, girl! As for your environmental awareness/bird fact posts, I for one really enjoy reading them. I am in a similar position; while I do not blog, I am very passionate about environmental issues…but sometimes feel that to talk about them bores people. However, know that even if you only reach out and inspire one person in that day, you are still making a difference!
    As a side note, I was accepted at USD. Perhaps a tea/coffee meeting is still in order?
    All the best to you, Melissa!

  4. Maggie says:

    I really like your blog, and I like the mix. If you find yourself writing fewer side notes and focusing more on the environment, your jobs or your family and trips, I’d still read because I love the variety of your blog. It’s not just what you ate and what workout you did. :)

  5. Doris says:

    MELISSA!!! I’M SO, SO, SO, SO PROUD OF YOU AND THIS ENTRY!!!!! Believe me, your blog has helped me and COUNTLESS other women (and maybe even men!) out there with battling ED. Yet, there was a certain point when I was afraid that even though this blog was helping you heal, it also had the risk of trapping you in the identity of always trying to heal rather than fully healed. But the fact that you, ON YOUR OWN, realized that the decrease in Side Notes is in a way scary and not 100% filled with positive feelings but still is the RIGHT THING to do means that you are definitely headed in the right direction!!! So often many of us feel so comfortable in an identity that we’ve had for a great length of time, even if they’re technically bad identities that we seemingly hate (i.e. recovering from ED). It’s scary to shed the old and take on the new. But that’s how we live and grow in life, right? By taking risks, learning more about what is good for us & what is bad for us, and then making the decision to take on the good. I’m so proud of you, Melissa! You will be in my prayers!

  6. Rose says:

    I read your blog because I like YOU!… and reading about YOUR unique experiences. I always enjoy reading posts that come from the heart. And I agree with your counselor: it’s probably a good thing that you’re sharing less!

    Just because your stats have gone down doesn’t mean people aren’t as interested in YOU. (What can I say.. the same thing has happened to me. I no longer measure my blog’s success by stats – I feel much better!)

    PS: When people post about daily eats, I often don’t have much to say (a thing of the past, I suppose).

  7. Anna Crouch says:

    I read your blog because I like the variety of your posts and I like seeing your progress. I don’t often comment, because I’m always so busy. But I read every post!

  8. Amy Lauren says:

    I really like your blog and yes, I do like the Side Notes, but I also like you otherwise I would not still be reading and I am! I don’t always comment but I do read :). I actually LIKE all that you have to say about yourself because it gives you a face, some people who blog about EDs really don’t talk about much else and you seem so real, like someone I could relate to or know as a person, not just know as a “blogger who deals with body issues”. I wouldn’t worry so much about stats or readers, you definitely have readers who enjoy your blog and sometimes quality matters over quantity :).

  9. Katy says:

    It makes me really happy that your need to write side notes is lessening. I don’t really talk about my eating disorder on my blog anymore because I just don’t have anything to talk about. Sometimes I don’t post for a long time because I am out living life and I’m too busy to blog.

    xxx

  10. Biz says:

    I am so proud of you Mel! You have come a long way. I just figured out how to sign up for RSS feeds – I am getting so technical!

    Have a great weekend!

  11. This is a GREAT thing! You blog for YOU, not for site stats, so blog what you want to and be SO PROUD that you are doing great!! <3

  12. First, I am so happy for you! I am so happy that you are making progress! :D

    I can definitely relate about feeling a little discouraged though about blog stats. My stats have been down for the last 4 months and it’s frustrating. I’ve also noticed that I get more a response from posts where I am most vulnerable, but it is difficult to always be vulnerable and out there. Lately, I haven’t been doing as many “raw” posts because I’m in a fairly good place right now. I have my bad days, but overall, I am in a much better place than I was a year ago.

    Just know that even if I am not commenting (I’ve been slacking in general on this), I am always clicking over from my reader to read all of your posts. Know that your posts have helped me so much over the past year and a half and I will be forever grateful for you writing them. :D

    <3

  13. glidingcalm says:

    yay for progress!! and isnt seeing a counselor/therapist, wonderful?! i saw mine yesterday too :D

    dont worry about the blog…worry about YOU! my stats have dropped a lot since i stopped skating, but whatevs! i blog for me, and because I enjoy it…and i cant worry about the rest of it!

    glad you are learning to treat yourself kinder- it’s one thing i am really working on. I had a friend who recovered from a serious drug addiction tell me, “Never think you are being TOO NICE to yourself. Count every victory. Always pat yourself on the back.” <- I've been doing this more and more and really counting every little victory I have, and you know what?! It's changing the way I talk to myself…. and it feels amazing.

    hugs and happy weekend!!!
    love,
    gc

  14. girl i think it is AWESOME that you are getting better and i like reading about YOU and what is important to YOU. dont write for others, write for yourself and be very proud of how far you have come. i certainly am! i hope you have a nice weekend xoxoxo

  15. Lee says:

    I think it’s great that you aren’t needing to write as many side notes. Blog about what you want to blog about, even if you don’t think people want to read it. Your blog should be for you and a memory of your life.

  16. Joycee says:

    yay for progress! i like reading your blog bc it showcases a range of topics, while still showing your readers who you are. :)

  17. blog for YOURSELF not for the stats….and honestly…the reason I don’t blog as much anymore is cause I’m OUT doing things…I’m out enjoying life!! I’m not stuck in a shitty town with no friends!! When you realize THAT…that’s when you should feel good and be proud you have a life outside of the computer!!

    • Melissa says:

      I’m so glad you’re out and having fun where you’re living now! That’s so exciting! I would love to have more friends and things to do where I live now, but it’s not really something I can attain. Hopefully with this move in two months, I’ll be able to change that and make some friends, since I won’t have whit close like I do now!

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