Too Hard On Myself…

[[Side Notes: Too Hard on Myself…

This post is similar to the post I did on the Lessons I Learn, because I had something of the same morning except it wasn’t hunger that had gotten to me, but something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

Honestly, as I’m sure you can tell just from the lack of blogging and effort into it, I’ve been in a rut in well, most aspects of my life.  Since the San Diego Marathon I have had very little motivation to run, which doesn’t help with the heat and amount of field work I’m doing (which = no working out time).  It’s left me haggard because I have nothing to release my stress out onto.

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Being out in the field also means I don’t have time to create very portable meals that will work well in a hot environment and not put me over the edge with my appetite, which has been going from nothing to everything in taste and amount as of late.  I’m also working insanely early hours so it totally messes up what time I eat compared to when I sleep (ie I eat breakfast at like, 5.30am but still end up having dinner around 6.30. Boo) so I’m on a bit of an edge.

In all of this, even though I’m doing all I possibly can, I am still beating myself up for not doing these things for myself, along with my body.  After I posted the other day about Asking For Help, I had one commenter (Hi Linda!) let me know how hard I was being on myself and it was just too much.

I mean, I know I’m hard on myself because I always have been, and have been able to manage it in the past few years, but not right now.  I love that she helped me realize all the things that I’m doing and conquering, and to make me realize that even when I get things done and they might not feel good enough, THEY ARE.  I am doing the best I can and being the best I can right now and really, it’s what counts the most.

So after having a bad morning, where I just felt “ick” and wanted to (I’m sad to say) skip my snack and lunch, I read over your lovely comments from so many of my Side Notes, took a deep breath, and pushed through the day.  I focused on the positives, like getting in a nice hilly run with my running buddy (whom I haven’t run with in a long time!), eating fresh organic foods to nourish myself, and finally getting a chance to visit the Farmer’s Market in town, where I ended up running into some coworkers/friends! 


As slow as it’s coming to me, there is only so much I can do to make myself happy with well, myself.  If myself doesn’t like that things I’m accomplishing and thinks I need to do it better or do more of it, then well, that part of myself can come and do it itself!  Hahah…which I guess technically is still me…but…you get the idea, haha.

Let’s just say that I’m going to bed in a better mood than I was when I woke up.  Definitely speaks for having a turn around day, right?

How do you turn around your attitude when you’re being too hard on yourself?  Tell me one awesome thing about yourself that you’ve accomplished lately to help remind yourself what a great and hard working person you are!

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14 Responses to Too Hard On Myself…

  1. Joanna says:

    **Hug** You are so strong buddy! I'm glad you were able to push through and think positively! That's so hard when you're feeling so low sometimes but Kudos for doing that! I am having the same feelings about running because the heat is killing me!! I don't do well running in the sun. I've been doing a lot of cardio videos instead. Maybe you should put your focus on some other kind of workout. Buy yourself a DVD or something. They really are worth it.

    What I've been doing lately to get myself out of a rut (because I've really been in a rut of my own) is turning to reading. I love getting lost in a book and really working out my brain for once. I'm a tv junkie, so it's really a nice change of pace. I wanted to make some changes in my life so I've started reading The Beauty Detox and The Happiness Project. So far it's keeping me motivated! Keep truckin' girl! And let's meet up soon. Want to go to the beach? It'll be a nice change of scenery for you!

  2. feeedingbrainandbody says:

    That's good you were able to turn a bad morning around. When I find myself being to hard on myself I write down all the the things I have accomplished or am proud of about myself. Sometimes I get lazy and try to just think of these things, but it works so much better if you actually write it down! If you are having trouble starting off your list you can add: You are a great motivation and inspiration to all your readers :)

    Hope your day turns out alright :)

  3. proudpatriot07 says:

    I'm glad you were able to turn things around. You're under a crazy amount of stress with work lately, and not being able to eat on time just amplifies any stress (a lot of people don't realize the effects on one's body when you go without food, even for a short period of time, especially with the physical activity that you do and your job being in the field).

    It's hard to get out of ruts… I always try to remind myself how eating helps my body- how the milk I'm drinking isn't "100 calories" but rather has calcium and nutrients to keep my bones strong, things like that. I try to think about the positive aspects of things and then also envision the future when tough stuff will be over (i.e. getting our software releases out on time- the stress will decrease once we release the products I work on). It sorta helps…


  4. Biz says:

    I wish you weren't so hard on yourself! But so glad you were able to regroup from morning to bed time.

    Have a great weekend! HUGS!

  5. Magdalena says:

    I've been feeling that way about my running ever since I moved out here to Nebraska. Even when I can get myself out to run, even if I run at a really slow pace, I can still only get through a few miles before my body and lungs just call it quits on me. The logical side of me knows that it's much drier out here, I've jumped over 3000 feet in elevation, and that my body is still adjusting, but I can't help feeling as though during my move cross-country, I lost everything I had built up.

    So to try and keep my inner negative part from taking over, I bike, I do yoga, and I try to eat well. For some reason I can bike fine here…my body doesn't give me as much trouble. I've also been turning to reading to get my mindset turned around. Especially running a bath in the evening and reading while I soak in the water. Baths don't work for everyone, but I find they relax me in a way that not much else does. I feel as though I'm soaking out the bad thoughts, rinsing them away and letting them go down the drain.

    I hear you about not having much time to prepare meals for out in the field. I have a few recipes for warm-weather salady things (with grains and protein) that I can send you if you'd like…they're filling and keep well too. Hang in there. Things will turn around.

  6. glidingcalm says:

    I am sooo hard on myself too, so I can totally relate to this post. Once gain, I applaud you on your honesty! Thank you!

    And also, you ARE hiking everyday! That is more that I do on a daily basis!

    Just breathe! Your job is active- don't forget that, and you eat so healthfully! Try to keep that perspective too… .I know blogworld can taint our minds with SHOULDS! I should me running more miles, should be lifting more days a week, should have more veggies, leaner meats, smaller portions, etc etc etc.

    I adore you.

    AND GO CHECK YOUR EMAIL! YOU WON MY GIVEAWAY!! I hope that cheers you up a lil!! Torn hiking pants, for a new pair! :)

  7. Kaitlin With Honey says:

    It's interesting to see another blogger going through a rut at the same exact time that I am.

    I find the way you push yourself through these things to be very inspiring. You're doing great!

  8. Blaine says:

    Hang in there! You are doing great. Thank you for being so honest on your blog, it really helps me to realize I/we are not alone it these struggles.

    I have a note posted where I see it several times a day which says "I will not hold myself to higher standards than I hold others to." I am also really hard on myself but was confronted with the fact that I would never treat anyone else so harshly. I decided I need to try and make a change and accept myself. I am still working on it, but it helps to see that note as a daily reminder to give myself a break.

    Give yourself a break! Ask yourself would you be this hard on your friends? I doubt it. Keep reaching out for help, someone to talk to is a great resource!

  9. mymarblerye says:

    the other night I was horrible at work. Things were everywhere, people were angry at us, and I felt I didn't lead my team. I couldn't sleep that night and beat myself up for days to come. I eventually realized that I can't change the past and I just have to hold my head up high so that the past doesn't affect RIGHT NOW. I try to think about a year from now…are my insecurities gonna really matter then?

  10. Caronae says:

    Whenever I am stressed about how many things I have to do or how I'm not good enough, I try to take a deep breath and say, "all you can do is your best. No more. You give it your best effort and that's it."

    I agree with what that commenter said! You can only do your best. And your best really is enough. You are an awesome person: runner, environmentalist, friend, cat mom. Being "off" for a few weeks doesn't change any of that. :)

  11. Rachel says:

    i noticed the tag on this post said "ED side note" so what i try to remind myself when i'm in a situation of not letting myself feel good about anything, i remember that that's ED talking, and he's not invited to critique me. you said "i'm doing all i possibly can" and that is what truly matters! once you start throwing but into the equation, that's when you start to feel negative (or at least, that's how it is for me). keep trying to push through and don't get caught up in how you think you ought to feel. as i've been told "don't should all over yourself ;)"

    it's not big things that have to remind us we're awesome. today i ate a fried food i'd never tried before at a restaurant i've never been to before. six months ago i would have been totally incapable of this! you can be proud of yourself for anything, and oftentimes just making it through the day is reason enough to celebrate.

    hang in there, light beats darkness every time :)

  12. Jessica @ The Process of Healing says:

    Good for you! You need to love your body and yourself for all that it does for you. You are one beautiful and strong lady!

  13. findingblissforme says:

    This post really spoke to me. I am way to hard on myself. I know it now. I used to see me being hard on myself the same as determination. It isn't. Determination is a positive personality trait. My tendency to be too hard on myself is a destructive personality trait and one I am working very hard to change.
    Thanks for the post.

  14. Krista says:

    Sure sounds like you turned the day around, Melissa! YAY for that!! Sounds like you need a nice break to just *be*….no work, no commitments, no nothing…..

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