The Day After

[[Side Notes: The Day After

I thought that after having such a good attitude in yesterday’s post about the things I had eaten that I would wake up this morning ready and revving to go for work; no such luck. I felt absolutely horrible…and was lets face it, have a very bad body image day.

This has happened many times in the past where if I had a day like yesterday, I would restrict and over-exercise like a mad person the next day and the cycle would start all over again and make me miserable. It was no fun and absolutely daunting that it’s what I chose to do.

I was trying to figure out how I was going to get through today.  All I could seem to focus my thoughts on was certain parts of my body and how they weren’t how I want them to be.  I felt awful to put it lightly. I wanted to crawl back into bed and just stay there all day long, but the birds can’t wait.  They’re counting on me.

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I used work and your awesome words from the past few days to distract me.  I was still having a hard time granted, but I take all the help I can get. It helped that I got a good breakfast in that I know keeps me full and satisfied.

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Smoothie in a bowl, but this time I used frozen apriums instead of berries with the icky vanilla protein powder.  Made the protein powder more bearable. I can’t wait to try it with one I like; I hope it’ll be like a creamsicle!

Anyhow, my thoughts were everywhere. I was anxious about eating all day long because really, I wanted to restrict, but in reality I knew I couldn’t.  I was hungry, actually starving for lunch by 10.30 but hated that it was so early.  But this is what I do when I feel guilty about eating what I deem is too early: look at how long it’s been since you’ve eaten.  Therein lies the reality: I hadn’t eaten in almost 4.5 hours! OF COURSE I’M GOING TO BE HUNGRY!!!

I ended up eating my lunch at 10.45…no shame…

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Almost.  I tried really hard.

Then, the moment that really turned around my negative thoughts and feelings. I texted Whit about having a bad body image day and of course replied that I was wrong, but added in a tidbit that I had forgotten about that happened just the night before: I fit back into my favorite pair of jeans.

On a whim yesterday while getting ready to have dinner with my boss and coworkers I pulled out a few pair of jeans to try on and wear.  I pulled out my favorite ones, which haven’t fit since almost October of last year.  I had abandoned them and hoped that one day, in a healthy manner, I would be able to fit back into them without causing destruction to myself.

I abandoned my scale back in November in hopes that I would finally listen to my body and naturally return to a more normal state for my body…as I’d been going through the vicious cycle for too long and had fluctuated my weight far too much with overeating episodes.

But after many months of listening to my body, getting rid of my guilt, and training my body the right way for lots of fun races, my body is showing me that I’m doing the right thing.  Whit’s reminder of this fact was just what I needed to snap the hell out of it!  Thanks for being there for me babe!!! <3

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I know that many of you go through this same thing after a day of eating things that your brain tells you you shouldn’t, but you’ve got to keep telling yourself  THAT VOICE IS WRONG and YOU WILL BE JUST FINE.  You cannot take that day or food back so might as well move forward instead of backwards, right!?

Stay positive.  I know you can and will.  It’s one of the biggest steps in recovery! ]]

The rest of my day was beautiful.  I ended up in an area where logging occurs and couldn’t help but take pictures to show you how old these trees were when they were sadly killed for wood.

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Please ignore my ugly and bloody feet.  I dropped something on my toes earlier and they proceeded to bleed all over the place and swell.  Yes, just what I need 11 days before my marathon.  Uh huh.

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I had a Brownie Zbar after lunch and after a good day in the field returned home where I finished up work, ate some crackers and hummus with strawberries, and then totally passed out on my bed waiting for a phone call.  I had no intention of taking a nap because it means I stay up way too long at night, but it happened.  And then I was so disoriented when I woke up I thought it was Friday and I was late to meet Whit. Hahaha!  Pretty funny that I woke up to this:

i took anap and woke to this.

How cute is she?!!?!?!  What a doll…

I headed off to the gym soon after and although it was warm enough to run outside, we’ve got a wind advisory so it was blow’n like crazy.  I settled on the gym and finished a small speed workout where I warmed up and cooled down with one mile each at 10min/mile and ran mile 2 at 9.12 and mile 3 at 8.35.  Felt awesome!  I walked a 1/2 mile afterwards for a total of 4.5 miles!

I was starving when I got home so I threw together lots of precut veggies I prepped from the weekend, two organic local eggs and brown rice for a nice dinner!

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I had a few strawberries and a handful of ginger cats for dessert and now I’m ready for bed! I thought I wouldn’t be very tired after that nap but I sure am!

Oh, and I realized today…

11 DAY TO MY MARATHON!!!!

Have you donated yet?  I need your HELP!

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9 Responses to The Day After

  1. leftcoastcontessa.com says:

    Love the message about staying positive and cannot wait til the marathon!

  2. Amy (love4living) says:

    Thanks for continuing to post your side notes. I love your honesty and you are one of the bloggers that first inspired me. Since then I have benefited greatly from writing my own "Wednesday Weigh In" posts.

    Here is to you and your continued healing :)

    Amy @ Love4Living.com

  3. Emma says:

    I'm sorry that you're having a bad body image day but I'm glad that you were able to make it through. The moments in which our body just doesn't seem right are very hard to overcome but I know that you and I can. Something silly that helped me was writing down all the good things that I love about my body on a "happy" day so that I could look back at them when ED tried to prove them false.
    Much love and strength your way! xoxoxo

  4. Natalie says:

    believe me, EVERYONE has bad body image days. glad you pushed through and saw the positivity in the end! :)

  5. divinelyvegan says:

    I feel like I need to ask this, but please do not take offense.
    Is it really smart to be running a marathon right now? You seem to be struggling so much, and having problems fueling yourself on normal days, how do you expect to make it through a marathon while being *healthy*?

  6. fittingitallin says:

    How great of Whit to help you out – and that is an AWESOME accomplishment! Not bad body image after that!

    Also – glad to hear your leg is feeling good enough to run on! and get pumped for the marathonnn!!!

  7. feeedingbrainandbody says:

    That's great that your day was turned around for the better! I get hungry 2.5 hours after I have breakfast no matter how big it was, so don't worry about eating breakfast earlier :)

    The marathon is coming up so soon, you are going to do great, you've been working so hard!

  8. Krista says:

    YES! I have donated… :) Wow, 11 days, eh? That's awesome!!

  9. mymarblerye says:

    i'm trying so hard not to be sad lately. Glenn and I have been so busy and on the go that I haven't had a real workout or real meal in a month….tons of fun was had so I'm trying to focus on that. Thanks for being so strong for us!

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