Attack Mode

First of all, Honey was in attack mode today because we were trying to trim her nails.  She didn’t like it at all.  Her cry made me want to cry. :(

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Secondly, attack mode was all on me, by me.  Boohizzle.  I’m simply tired and I know that’s why.  I’ve been going to bed about 45 min later than normal and it’s totally messing me up because by 10 or 11am I’m absolutely beat.  My own fault, and in order for it to change I need to start going to bed early.  This will help keeping me from snacking when I’m tired and can’t take a nap and from eating while I’m trying to get work done. 

Today’s craving was chocolate covered everything and though I’m not proud of how I’m treating the situation, I’m moving past it by going to bed early tonight and getting a good night’s rest.  I can only move forward, right?  There is no moving back for this lady!  I’ve started to realize I’m missing out on so much in life by worrying and feeling guilty all the time!  I have friends and family to have fun with dangit!

I started off the day with a new breakfast!  ((gasp!))

Overnight Oats!

Although I was missing a key ingredient: Yogurt!

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Last night I soaked a 1/3C quick oats w/ 1/2C USVAB and this morning added a nectarine, strawberries, blueberries and a dollup of PB.  That pb is actually three different ones combined including TJ’s PB and Flaxseed, TJ’s Original, and Smucker’s Organic Natural.  I should have gone with oats in a jar when they were getting down to the brim, but it’s simply too hot for that!

We headed out to the field to finish our last walking survey project (yay! now I can focus on some training and running!!!) and did a total of about 4 miles before I needed a snack.  Actually, I had the snack after about 3 miles, so yeah.

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Raspberry and Chocolate Oatmeal Bar and a Pluot.  Oh, and many of you asked for the recipe for my Mixed Berry Oatmeal Bars (which I make variations of with ie raspberries and chocolate, blackberries, and/or blueberries and raspberries).  You can find them on my Recipes Tab just under the blog header.  I hope you try them soon!  Remember to refrigerate after they cool to keep the berries from spoiling!

We returned home just in time for lunch, which I was thankful for because I forgot a utensil to eat my lunch with!  It was a simple meal of leftovers, and what I’ll call a Cold Quinoa, Black Bean and Vegetable Salad.

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I’m sure you get the jist of what was in it.

The rest of the afternoon was finished off by doing work and eating.  And not eating because I was hungry, but because I was tired of doing work and couldn’t take a nap, and because I was anxious

Why was I anxious? 

I have been having a hard time incorporating whole grains (other than whole grain breads) into my diet because I’ve always been afraid they won’t keep me full or satisfied.  I had a bit of anxiety of this which led to me eating a mix of Kashi Honey Sunshine and some Dark Chocolate Covered Cranberries.

I wasn’t proud of it.

And became even less proud when I decided to inhale some nut and dried fruit trail mix.  Why I kept eating I simply can’t really tell you, I kinda zoned out.  I tried my hardest to resist the urges, drank water, chewed on gum, but nothing seemed to be working. I was also under the mentality that having all of these things, including the chocolate, were bad/unsafe foods which made me want to eat them even more.

Luckily I’ve realized I’m aware of this so it’s something I can work on.  Thank goodness.  It will make next time that much easier and less filled with guilt and shame.  Definitely not a place I want to be.

I knew I had a speed workout this afternoon as part of my 1/2 Marathon training and wouldn’t let my downer mood keep me from doing it.  I used my anxiety as fuel to get me through the workout, along with knowing that Meghann had done something similar this morning and Jeri did 3x 1 mile repeats yesterday!  What did it include?

  • 10 min warmup jog
  • 1x 1 min surge
    • (2 min recovery)
  • 2x 1.5 min surge
    • (2 min recovery after each)
  • 1x 2.5 min surge
    • (15 min jog, or something of the sort, I wasn’t quite keeping track)
  • 2x 1.5 min surge
    • (2 min recovery after each)
  • 1x 1 min surge
    • (2 min recovery)
  • 3x 50 m surge
    • (1 min recovery after each)
  • 5 min cool down jog

I ended up finishing the run in 40.27 for 4.9 miles which equates to a pace of around 8.15min/mile!  That’s pretty impressive for me since I normally run at a 9+ min pace!  Hopefully this is a good sign to help me break 2hrs for the 1/2 in September!  After I finished I also did about 20 min of abs, squats and legs. Arms tomorrow baby!

Dinner tonight was a bit stressful for me as it’s my coworker’s last night in town so my boss offered to take us out.  I stayed calm though and took things with deep breathes while I was there.

We ate the the Apple Shed, which didn’t have much of a vegetarian option except for a veggie burger with a side salad, rice pilaf and some mixed vegetables. I ate the burger and all the pilaf, along with the side salad (the veggies were drowned in butter not my thing) and was satisfied, not full, when I finished.  I kept telling myself that I could not restrict because of the workout I did today to repair the muscles from it and it simply wasn’t going to do me any good in the long run.

Ergo, calmness.  Peace.  No anxiety, stress, shame or guilt.  Just a day that I lived and learned and will apply to the next time it might happen.

Thank goodness.

I’ve got a full day of work tomorrow so I gotta go pack up some goods so I don’t need to worry about them in the morning and make sure I’ve got everything I need as I’m heading home to my parents house Thursday night for the weekend!  Yay!!!

This entry was posted in 1/2 Marathon, Anxiety, Baking, dinner, ED entry, ED Side Note, Field Work, Leftovers, Recipes, Recipes: Blackberry Oatmeal Bars, Recipes: Quinoa, Running, snacks, Strength Training, Trader Joes. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Attack Mode

  1. runsarah says:

    Great attitude and amazing run! Hope you have a great night and get a good nights rest tonight.

  2. Mama Pea says:

    I scanned this post looking for specific info…grr. I'll have to text you instead :)

  3. mymarblerye says:

    whew. what an emotional day. I hateee being forced to eat out when I don't want to cause it brings up all these feelings of guilt and binging all in one. You did great…rationalize everything if you must but remember life is too short…you are right! go enjoy it!

  4. pamplemousse21 says:

    Hey you – amazing work at the restaurant :) I'm so pleased for you, now make sure you take that feeling of peace with you to similar situations! I know you can do it!
    xx

  5. Mica says:

    Nice job on your intense workout! You really kicked butt!

    And thanks for the recipe link. Sorry I forgot that it was there…

  6. Krista says:

    Isn't it insane how missing even a little sleep each night adds up? I definitely feel hungrier on the days that I don't get enough sleep. Cranky, too.

    And kitty mani/pedi's are never fun. I'm always afraid to cut too high so I get my huuby to do it!

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  8. Jeri says:

    Glad to see you nailed your speed workout. Sub 2 is all you baby! Sometimes it's ok to crave and give your body what you want. Which you know of course, but if you're craving chocolate let yourself have a little and move on. I'm sure your ED makes this "easier said than done" but if we don't give in to our cravings every once in awhile we'll go looney tunes. :)

  9. Jessica @ The Process of Healing says:

    Peace.. exactly right. Worrying and guilt doesn't add more more second to our lives. If anything, it takes the joy out of it. But you know that :) I'm proud of you for admitting the whole ordeal on the blog but hun, it's not that bad! We all have days like that where we just eat, eat, eat and can't stop… Me, I do that when I'm upset. And honestly, I don't really go there on the blog. And so I have GREAT respect for you. But you can only go forward from here!!! And good for you for not restricting at dinner.. you're right! Your muscles NEED the fuel to repair themselves and work hard for you!
    Thanks for the text this morning, honestly, you have NO idea how PERFECT the timing was! Have a great Thursday girl!
    Love you!

  10. From Here to There. In Purple. says:

    sometimes we just need a little chocolate in our lives… and a little family time <3

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