Hot Hot Heat…and Grass

Happy Almost Friday!!!

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Too bad it isn’t, because I wish I could have stayed home with Honey to do just this!

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I mean, who wouldn’t want to lay around on the floor all day doing nothing but playing and sleeping!  Geez, the life of a cat!

But before I get on with my day, I wanted to check in and see how everyone did with their ANTS today?  I tried very hard again to admit they were happening, but also trying to realize when they were happening.  It’s amazing how such small things can trigger me to either put myself down or doubt my abilities and thoughts.  And just to see what kind of progress or trips/falls I might make with this, I’m going to keep a running tally here on the blog.  As sad as I am of the numbers, I need to be reminded of them so I can start making them go down!

Day 1: Wednesday: 68 (!!! AHHHHH!!!)
Day 2: Thursday: 44

See, progress!  Even with the slip up I had for a bit today!  More on that later in the post!

Anyhow, oh man was it a doozie today out in the field!  With the temps hovering at 100F I went through over 100 oz of water in a span of 4.5 hrs and walking 8.8 miles of hills!  Luckily By the time we finished I was setting into my last reserves…and totally happy it was over.  That was mostly my own fault that by the end I was so wiped and sucking on my last energy reserves…someone didn’t fuel properly.  I’ll get to that in a second though!

Being as hot as it was, I knew I wanted something refreshing and a bit lighter for breakfast.

  • apple
  • strawberries
  • TJ’s LF Almond Granola
  • 1T TJ’s PB

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And then hellish field day started!  Obviously it was long and hard, but the heat just kicked my butt and took away my appetite.  Now I’m fully aware that this happens when I work out in the heat like I do and should eat something even when I don’t feel hungry, but I was just plain cranky today and wouldn’t have it.  I was being stubborn with myself.  So I chugged the water and Sobe Lite (half of it, mixed w/ water because they’re too strong!) to keep me going, but even after finishing and resting for a bit I still couldn’t stomach my PB and Banana Flatout wrap I’d brought, knowing full well my belly would be off and need something simple for lunch.

I needed to use the restroom after we finished so we headed off to In N’ Out on the way home where my coworker picked up a little something for himself, and me too.  I don’t remember quite what it was we were joking about, but somewhere in the morning I had joked about him doing or not doing something and originally yelled, “You owe me a brownie then!  Oh wait, it’s too hot, you owe me ice cream!”

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So he got me the closest thing to it: In N’ Out’s Neapolitan Shake.

Now, I do not order anything from fast food joints other than coffee, and that’s rare.  I have a huge fear of these places because they have a bad rap of being horrible for your health, so I avoid them like the plague. 

So, now I was stuck in a conundrum: someone was nice and bought me a shake, I can’t say no because that would be rude and now they’ll have two (as they ordered on for themselves) and besides, I wanted the damned thing.  Ergo, no second thought at that moment and I DRANK IT ALL.  I wasn’t happy as I would have had I had the opportunity to sit and enjoy it instead of having it while driving, but I chewed down the straw to slow the flow and help it last longer so I could taste and enjoy it.

And don’t you worry because I did. I enjoyed every single ounce of it.  I have not had a real shake in years and this, it totally hit the spot.

Sadly as soon as I got home was when the guilt and regret set in…since I was weak (oops, ANTS there!) and looked up the nutritional info for it, and then left HORRIFIED at what I had just consumed.  I went through a fit in my head, raging over what I had taken into my body and expressing my regret on twitter, but luckily I had some wonderful girls to help calm me down in the heat of my moment.

I think though that the thing that bothered me the most was that after that indulgence, I was getting a headache and it was because I hadn’t eaten any real food in over 8 hours…but I didn’t want to eat because of the calorie count.  I knew by drinking it it was going to put me over my safe number (yes, sadly I still have this stupid and horrible habit) and I didn’t want to have any of that.  I spent a good amount of time arguing with myself and finally settled on having a small snack to hold me over until dinner which I sadly already planned on making light because of this “lunch.”

I ended up munching on 6 Unsalted PB Pretzels and some Kashi Heart 2 Heart.

I did work stuff, played with Honey (always calms me down) and hit up the farmer’s market for my weekly goodies in produce.  I’ve got three kinds of melon that are new to me, so that’s exciting!

I returned home and since it’s so hot I knew I was going to want a cold salad to cool me off!  I simply cut up a variety of leftover roasted squash, onion, bell pepper, and butternut squash along with fresh tomato, spinach and my first shot at Morningstar’s new Turkey Burger.

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The mix of vegetables was great for the salad, but the burger was nothing to rave about really.  It tasted a lot like their Grillers Prime Burgers so I don’t know I’ll buy these again…I have three more to eat though, so we’ll see what happens to them!

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To finish off the meal I had a nice sweet and juicy mango that’s been calling my name for days.

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I’m sorry I neglected you for so long, you were so tasty!  I wish there were more of you to have tomorrow!

[[ Anyhow, after having that emotional hickup with the shake I’m sitting here reflecting on how I feel about the whole thing and truthfully, part of me is still anxious about it, but another part of me is staying surprisingly calm.  It was one shake, I never ever have them so it was a treat and seriously, it’s just food and won’t kill me!  So there you have it, I’m combating the anxiety, stress and emotional upheaval so I can go to bed in peace! ]]

Speaking of tomorrow, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it but I’m going to do something that is both exciting and terrifying for me: MOUNTAINT BIKING AND RIVER RAFTING!!! 

Might not seem so crazy for the adventure and traveler like me, but I’m def afraid because I don’t want to get hurt for my 1/2 Marathon at the beginning of September!  But I’m just going to focus on having fun and taking it slow if I need to, along with not tensing up!  I always do that with new activities!

Alright well I’m off to finally shower after today’s work and get some reading in before hitting the hay and having an early morning for my adventures tomorrow!  Eep!  Wish me luck, and fun!  I hope your weekend starts off with a bang like mine will (well, technically I have to work on Saturday to make up for tomorrow, but that’s besides the point. Hehe!)

This entry was posted in ED entry, ED Side Note, Field Work, Recipes: Vegan But-Not-So-Vegan Brownies, Walking. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Hot Hot Heat…and Grass

  1. runsarah says:

    Glad you are feeling calmer now and enjoyed the shake at the time! I love how fresh your dinner looks – I haven't made a veggie burger salad in a while, I need to get on that. Mountain biking and river rafting sound like a blast – I hope you have a great time!

  2. squigglefloey says:

    I saw your tweet when you tweeted about said shake and I instantly could sympathize with your freak out. But I'm glad that you were able to find composure…if any. If I had been in the same situation I know I would be restricting for the rest of the day instead of having some actual solids, and giving my body what it really wanted. I'm sure this was a challenge for you– and you succeeded :)!

    <3 floey

  3. Gena says:

    First of all, love the quinoa yesterday!

    Also, I think you coped with today really well. Certainly it's great that you enjoyed and experienced a nice foodie treat, and it's also important that you were able to retain some calm tonight. Sure, the restriction urges are bad, but you're also facing those bravely. I'm proud of you!

  4. mymarblerye says:

    although you couldn't stop thinking about it…maybe it's a step in the right direction that you actually drank it!!! Before, I'm sure you would have faked a few sips and thrown it out!! My ANTS lately? off the charts :(

  5. carolinebee.com says:

    Melissa I am soooo SOOOOOO soooo hugely proud of you :) Honestly that is a huge step and HUGE slap in Ed's face to actually KNOW and acknowledge you are scared of something, yet you still sucked it up and DID it…and now you're like, cool…everything's fine, world's still turning :D Second of all i had NO idea they made a neopolitan shake, WOW i need to get one when i go home!!
    That fact that you overcame this, and STILL ate normally the rest of the day is so awesome and you should be really proud , tell those ANTS to beat it, haha. XOXO

  6. Sara says:

    I'm glad you're feeling better about the shake, but I can sympathize with your freak out, too. But after all, it was only one shake, so no harm done…just enjoy it :)

  7. Jessie (Bites and Pieces) says:

    I love all the Honey pictures in every post now! The life of a cat is pretty wonderful, no?
    I wish you were in town this weekend so I could take you to Fairchild's mango festival. You would LOVE it!

  8. Meredith (Pursuing Balance) says:

    I don't really like that particular veggie burger either! So disappointing!
    I'm glad you're feeling a bit better now. You are totally worthy of indulgence!

  9. Faith @ LovelyAsCharged says:

    I know the feeling of the fast food anxiety. I have the EXACT SAME policy, and I haven't had anything from a fast food chain in at least a year. The other day, though, my students were on a field trip and our administration completely changed our plans, so instead of going back to our main campus where my carefully planned packed lunch was waiting, we got stuck at McDonalds. I panicked. I couldn't make myself actually order a meal (not that there was anything really vegetarian-friendly anyways), but I did give in to a small vanilla ice cream cone. I freaked for approximately ten minutes, but you know what? I'm still alive. I didn't develop a gut from it. One little thing isn't going to kill us :) Glad you're feeling calmer about it.

  10. ktbwood says:

    Girl i am glad you are feeling better!! im sorry- but you are doing great, seriously. you are SO HARD ON YOURSELF!!!! give yourself a break girl!! Look at how FAR YOU HAVE COME!! girl- you are ROCKING! seriously. God needs to use YOU to help someone out, and youve got to stop dwelling on your mistakes in order to do that. I think you are awesome! Im not preaching at you at all girl- bc i KNOW its hard!! but we just have to brush ourselves off and keep pushing! youre a fighter!!

    Thank you so much for your sweet comment, girl. LOVE YOU!

  11. Marissa says:

    GOOD JOB! Food will not hurt you. I find with me, that even an entire week eating junk like that every day while on vacation or something, it doesn't really effect me at all. One shake is nothing! I don't look up stuff that I know is "bad" anymore, either. It will just trigger me. Have fun! I've never been river rafting, but I bet its a BLAST! It would be kinda like tubing, except without being attached to a boat and with rocks! EEP!

  12. Krista says:

    It's nice to be able to sit back and reflect on the day and realize that all was OK afterall. And 68 to 44 is a BIG improvement!!! :) Keep chugging along, hun!

  13. Hallie says:

    Looking up the calorie count of an In N Out shake is one of my biggest regrets. Now I'll probably never have one again and they are INCREDIBLE. A once-a-year treat for sure, but now I'll probably never have one again. So I can totally relate to the feelings you have talked about in this post, because I've been there. Still am (with the ANTS) most of the time. I don't even think I could count, it's that ingrained.

  14. *Andrea* says:

    great post! i definitely have a lot of those negative thoughts. i started seeing a therapist who has helped me work on cognitive behavior therapy where i look at: (1) activator, (2) thought, (3) feeling/emotion; (4) resulting behavior. it's been really helpful at looking at my patterns of behavior based on intense and immediate emotions and learning to retrain my brain ;)

    i hope you can kick your ants habit! and indulging once in a while on 'unhealthy' things is totally necessary in my opinion.

  15. Clean Eating Chelsey says:

    I understand your :gasp: moment with the calories. I have a horrible habit of it too… my strategy, don't look. I am in no means overweight… or even at the weight I should be.. so if I don't look, I won't know. If I don't know, then I don't care!! :)

    Love it!

  16. Runeatrepeat says:

    That kitty is too cute!
    I'm glad you enjoyed the shake. You're not going to go the rest of your life without eating high-cal treats so savor them! You are gorgeous :)

  17. Healthy. Happy. Well. says:

    Love your blog! I feel connected to the way you've been nomadic as well! I'm moving to San Diego in a month and I'm happy I found an environmentalist Veggie to share blog adventures with!

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