Life Is About To Get Better

As long and dragging today was for work, I can’t help but have a smile on my face as I tell you my good news…at the end of the post.  But first I have to tell you about some awesome eats from today!

I had the same breakfast as I’ve been having for the past week, so I’m pretty sure you’re sick of seeing the same exact oatmeal, granted it goes between apples and bananas.  I know, I’m so boring.  I just like fueling with what I know works best for a long morning of field work!

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Lunch was the same sandwich, but I was using TJ’s Spicy Hummus…which didn’t live up to Sabra’s.  Sorry TJ’s, but they win in my book. Your Tomato Basil Hummus on the other hand…which I had with carrots?

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Phenomenal!

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I snacked on a plum and Odwallas Sweet and Salty Almond Bar a few hours later (lunch was early, like just before 11am!) as there simply was not enough staying power in my lunch…you’d think all that hummus would have done it!  NOPE!

We finished up work which seemed to go on forever and finally got home…and I was super excited what I had in store for eats for the night!

I tweeted this weekend how I scored some Justin’s Nut Butters at Marshalls at a sweet discounted price…and which kinds did I get?  Well chocolate of course!  To be specific: Chocolate Hazelnut and Chocolate Peanut Butter.

Oh.My.God.

Foodgasm.  Nutella, I will never have you ever again.  Justins Chocolate Hazelnut Butter makes me swoon just thinking about it!

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It took some arm work and stirring to get it all together but hot damn.  I could have drank the stuff it was so good!  And even better on my pear…I can’t wait to get my hands on this on bread!  GAHHH!!!

Seeing as how we didn’t hike as much (hah, about 7-8 miles!?) I decided I had some energy leftover to get some strength training inI did a sweet 50 min ab and arm workout and felt great!  But not as enthusiastic as I was about my upcoming DINNER!!!

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Um, how could you not want to eat that?  I made some roasted butternut squash with tomato/basil/garlic marinade seasoning (@400 for 35-40 minutes) and couldn’t decide what else to add to it in my wrap with black beans

I got some great tweet responses of :greek yogurt, hummus, salsa and cheese and went for a few of them!  This combo included:

  • 1/4C black beans
  • grilled onion
  • 1/4 sliced avocado
  • tomato diced
  • 1 slice of sharp cheddar cheese
  • handful of butternut squash pieces

Holy mackeral.  I never wanted this to end!!!  I definitely want this combo again!!!

And to finish off the night with a sweet and protein packed ending: trail mix and cheerios mix.

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I swear there are some nuts and dried fruit in there somewhere.  Or maybe I inhaled them before I took the picture.  One could only guess.

[[Side Note: Therapy

I got so many supportive and informative emails and comments about my Therapy Post last week that I couldn’t ignore it.  I have had friends come to me much more recently with concern for my well being and mental health as far as eating comes and I couldn’t just push them away, I knew I needed to seek help.

And not just sometime in the future.  But now.  RIGHT NOW.  THIS SECOND.

I have gone about this in the past on my own, scheduling appointments and such only to get to the parking lot, tears pouring down my face, but end up turning around and going home in shame and guilt for giving up and not being able to ask for help when I knew I needed it.

I have already started.  I have asked for help from you, and you’ve provided it.  I have asked for help from my family, and they’ve provided it.  I have asked for help from my closest friends, and they’ve provided it.  But I need a little more. 

And I’m getting it.  I’ve already made the call.  I’m in the midst of getting the first appointment in my calendar.  I’m ready to talk.  I’m tired of being this way.

Truthfully, I have not had this much guilt since the beginning of my disease almost 7 and a half years ago.  I have not felt so much shame and resentment about my decisions and life and well, everything.  I have not been able to do the things I want to without worry and a genuine smile on my face.

It’s been so hard and I just can’t take it anymore.  I’m tired of feeling guilty.  I’m tired of feeling regret.  I’m tired of missing out on time with friends.  I’m tired of not being able to enjoy the things I love most.  I’m tired of feeling guilty about my body.  I’m tired of not being able to enjoy the food I make.

I’m tired of it all and I’m ready to change.  I’m so ready for this.  I can feel it.

The moment I decided to finally take this step and pack a punch was the most amazing feeling ever.  It made me feel like I was really going to be able to live and not keep missing out on life.  It has lifted a huge amount of stress off myself knowing that sometime in the future (and I know that this DOES NOT happen overnight…it takes time) I’m going to be truly happy and worry free again.

I can’t wait.  I’m dedicated to make my life better.  I’m determined to live; damnit! ]]

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29 Responses to Life Is About To Get Better

  1. Danielle says:

    Life will get better because you deserve the best. Love you, sweetheart, we are all supporting you.

  2. Kim says:

    Hooray! Good for you!

  3. Gena says:

    Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you!!! Congrats on this huge and brave decision.

  4. Katie says:

    I've said it once, and I'll say it again…You're amazing :-)

    Every step you make is the right one. And this is only going to make it THAT much better!

    All smiles for you :-)

  5. pamplemousse21 says:

    I'm SO pleased for you. I know exactly what you mean, for a long time I have tried to help myself and pretend that I was solving my problems on my own, but I never really was…

    Just making that first appointment is, you're right, such a relief and I'm glad that you've been filled with the hope and knowledge that things will and can be better. We seem to be at a very similar stage in this, in terms of seeking help, so I really do wish you all the best in it.

    Debs
    x

  6. From Here to There. In Purple. says:

    i am soo proud of you!! ;asdkljfas;ldkfj

    i've recently decided I'm ready for change, it's exciting and scary, but we deserve it :) :)

  7. Krista says:

    This is GREAT news and a decision I don't think you'll ever come to regret. Way to go, Melissa! :)

  8. Cait (Cait's Plate) says:

    Oh YAY! I am SO glad for you! This is a HUGE step and you're being incredibly brave to take it. I think this is a wonderful decision and I wish you nothing but health and happiness in the future to come! :D

  9. Jenny says:

    Too bad blogger doesn't have a "like" button ;) But CONGRATULATIONS on what is definitely a huge, fantastic step forward!

  10. Living Free says:

    Ah, girl, I'm so happy for you! I can hear the determination and motivation in your voice. You WILL get through this, and be better for it on the other side. Love and best wishes comin' your way!
    xoxo

  11. Mica says:

    That's great news! I'm glad the decision is coming from YOU. It means you're ready to help yourself.

  12. lynn @ the actors diet says:

    glad that you are feeling determined and motivated. those are the moments we need to feel and embrace b/c they lead to big changes.

  13. Mama Pea says:

    YAY! Good for you. I hope the person you found is a great fit for you. You deserve a happy and full life starting right NOW!

  14. Anonymous says:

    How did you choose your ED specialist? Referral from friends? I'm considering…just not sure where to start.
    Any help is greatly appreciated!!! Love your blog and really look forward to going with you on this journey!
    You're not alone!
    Jamie

    rigdon@mtnhome.com

  15. kristina@goodnweird says:

    oh my goodness. congrats on this huge decision. i've been reading you for a while and so appreciate your honesty.

  16. ktbwood says:

    i am SOOOO freaking proud of you. goodness gracious- this was a wonderful and STRONG decision. this is the beginning of a beautiful journey :)

  17. Cassie @ A Very Busy Mind says:

    Mel, every time you start to struggle in the future, READ THIS POST. "Listen" to how strong and determined your own voice sounds! You are sooooo gonna kick this shizz for good! :)

  18. Amanda - RunToTheFinish says:

    good good good, we love you!

  19. Christine (The Raw Project) says:

    Great eats, I always have the same thing for breakfast too because I like to go with what works when it's too early to think. :-)

    Congrats on the decision, very impressive that you're seeking help and making such a huge step.

  20. Maddi says:

    YES!!!! I am so glad you have chosen to get some outside help!! It really is good. i was sort of forced into it, but now I am grateful. You CAN do this!!!
    Maddi
    xxx

  21. Katie says:

    Congratulations, Melissa! It's all in your control now :-)

  22. Wondering K says:

    this may sound weird coming from someone on the internet, but just wanted to say I'm really proud of you for making this step. Asking for help is so hard, but I promise you life really does get better. Take care of yourself…true recovery is such a hard road, but it does get better with support!

  23. Jessica @ The Process of Healing says:

    Aw girl.. I want to give you a huge hug! I am SO SO SO PROUD OF YOU!!! That is a huge massive step and just taking that step shows how much progress you are making… you've done the hardest part! You are right, life WILL get better! Life is too short to live with those kinds of feelings. LOVE YOU!!!!

  24. Faith @ LovelyAsCharged says:

    I'm so sorry to hear that things are extremely rough right now. Recovery can be – no, scratch that, is – a hard and often unpleasant thing, but you know that you deserve complete and total health and happiness. I'm no therapist, but I have been in the same place you have been, so if you ever need to talk or vent, go ahead and shoot me a line through my blog email (lovelyascharged@gmail.com). I know you're going to make it through this and benefit HUGELY from the therapy that you are brave enough to seek and lucky enough to obtain. Hang in there :)

  25. Marissa says:

    Just wanted to drop you a comment and tell you that you're a very brave person. It really inspires me, because I'm still not at that point where I feel I could talk to someone about my ED. I hope it works out well for you; I know it will!

  26. Gaby says:

    This is such a great step for you! I know you won't regret seeking therapy. I'm in the exact same position, though I've been dealing with this crap from myself for about 3 years, so I can only imagine 7 years. You deserve to enjoy life!
    I finally had my first therapy appointment yesterday and it was a huge relief! Everyone that has commented is totally correct though in saying that you have to be ready to take that step for yourself.
    I've been like you thinking that I could "fix" myself. I think it's part of the perfectionist/ black and white nature that many of us tend to have. We either do it ourselves or we've failed. For me also this has involved so much guilt and shame. But I finally reached my own breaking point and realized that a) this is not my fault, I didn't choose it, and b) healing myself is not working, I need someone else to step in.
    And just hearing someone else tell me "We're going to take care of this" was incredible!
    I can't wait to hear about your experience!

  27. Natalie says:

    catching up on my google reader–busy week—and this post makes me SO happy! seriously so proud of you mel and know this is the right thing for you! way to go girl!!!! :)

  28. Katie says:

    I want to say I have been there. Right now I'm OK, but I'll go through a bad time and I still have strict schedules and guilt. I can't go out at night or out to eat without anxiety that ruins the night so I just don't go out. I have wanted to go to counseling for a while to talk and work through it (because I know I'm transferring my guilt to exercise) which my friends support, but unfortunately my family is unsupportive and feels like I am being a drama queen and it's completely normal and good so as not to become fat. Good luck with getting help. I know I wish I could most days. You're awesome and it's so brave of you to ask for help and more to put it out there for the public!

  29. Katie says:

    I also wanted to say mine has been an over 7 year struggle. It is a long time to not be in control even though you think you are. I wish you the best and I am so happy you have a great support system.

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