As long and dragging today was for work, I can’t help but have a smile on my face as I tell you my good news…at the end of the post. But first I have to tell you about some awesome eats from today!
I had the same breakfast as I’ve been having for the past week, so I’m pretty sure you’re sick of seeing the same exact oatmeal, granted it goes between apples and bananas. I know, I’m so boring. I just like fueling with what I know works best for a long morning of field work!
Lunch was the same sandwich, but I was using TJ’s Spicy Hummus…which didn’t live up to Sabra’s. Sorry TJ’s, but they win in my book. Your Tomato Basil Hummus on the other hand…which I had with carrots?
I snacked on a plum and Odwallas Sweet and Salty Almond Bar a few hours later (lunch was early, like just before 11am!) as there simply was not enough staying power in my lunch…you’d think all that hummus would have done it! NOPE!
We finished up work which seemed to go on forever and finally got home…and I was super excited what I had in store for eats for the night!
I tweeted this weekend how I scored some Justin’s Nut Butters at Marshalls at a sweet discounted price…and which kinds did I get? Well chocolate of course! To be specific: Chocolate Hazelnut and Chocolate Peanut Butter.
Foodgasm. Nutella, I will never have you ever again. Justins Chocolate Hazelnut Butter makes me swoon just thinking about it!
It took some arm work and stirring to get it all together but hot damn. I could have drank the stuff it was so good! And even better on my pear…I can’t wait to get my hands on this on bread! GAHHH!!!
Seeing as how we didn’t hike as much (hah, about 7-8 miles!?) I decided I had some energy leftover to get some strength training in! I did a sweet 50 min ab and arm workout and felt great! But not as enthusiastic as I was about my upcoming DINNER!!!
Um, how could you not want to eat that? I made some roasted butternut squash with tomato/basil/garlic marinade seasoning (@400 for 35-40 minutes) and couldn’t decide what else to add to it in my wrap with black beans…
I got some great tweet responses of :greek yogurt, hummus, salsa and cheese and went for a few of them! This combo included:
- 1/4C black beans
- grilled onion
- 1/4 sliced avocado
- tomato diced
- 1 slice of sharp cheddar cheese
- handful of butternut squash pieces
Holy mackeral. I never wanted this to end!!! I definitely want this combo again!!!
And to finish off the night with a sweet and protein packed ending: trail mix and cheerios mix.
I swear there are some nuts and dried fruit in there somewhere. Or maybe I inhaled them before I took the picture. One could only guess.
[[Side Note: Therapy
I got so many supportive and informative emails and comments about my Therapy Post last week that I couldn’t ignore it. I have had friends come to me much more recently with concern for my well being and mental health as far as eating comes and I couldn’t just push them away, I knew I needed to seek help.
And not just sometime in the future. But now. RIGHT NOW. THIS SECOND.
I have gone about this in the past on my own, scheduling appointments and such only to get to the parking lot, tears pouring down my face, but end up turning around and going home in shame and guilt for giving up and not being able to ask for help when I knew I needed it.
I have already started. I have asked for help from you, and you’ve provided it. I have asked for help from my family, and they’ve provided it. I have asked for help from my closest friends, and they’ve provided it. But I need a little more.
And I’m getting it. I’ve already made the call. I’m in the midst of getting the first appointment in my calendar. I’m ready to talk. I’m tired of being this way.
Truthfully, I have not had this much guilt since the beginning of my disease almost 7 and a half years ago. I have not felt so much shame and resentment about my decisions and life and well, everything. I have not been able to do the things I want to without worry and a genuine smile on my face.
It’s been so hard and I just can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of feeling guilty. I’m tired of feeling regret. I’m tired of missing out on time with friends. I’m tired of not being able to enjoy the things I love most. I’m tired of feeling guilty about my body. I’m tired of not being able to enjoy the food I make.
I’m tired of it all and I’m ready to change. I’m so ready for this. I can feel it.
The moment I decided to finally take this step and pack a punch was the most amazing feeling ever. It made me feel like I was really going to be able to live and not keep missing out on life. It has lifted a huge amount of stress off myself knowing that sometime in the future (and I know that this DOES NOT happen overnight…it takes time) I’m going to be truly happy and worry free again.
I can’t wait. I’m dedicated to make my life better. I’m determined to live; damnit! ]]