Meltdown

[[ Side Note: Meltdown

If you follow me on Twitter you’ll see that I had a very rough afternoon:

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Oh yes, it was not fun times.  It’s been a hard week, knowing that within the next two I will be driving over 3,000 mile, moving to and from new places, starting a new job, meeting lots of new people to work with and become friends with, adjusting to new climates/temperatures…the list could go on.  And then there is leaving the life I have made here in Florida behind that also adds to the emotional turmoil of the entire process that is occurring. 

I’m of course sad in some aspects, leaving my current job and coworkers/friends, all my blogging buddies, the beaches and so much more…but then there is the excitement of returning back home, seeing all my old friends and family and the environments like the mountains, desert and the ocean all within a three hour span of each other.

And all of this = MELTDOWN.  Meltdown in what sense?  I became an emotional mess which therefore led to bad thoughts about the food I was eating, the exercise I wasn’t getting in, the sitting I was doing for so many hours, the eating that I completely thought I was overdoing all the time, and the idea that I needed something to control as I was losing it in every other department of my life.

But thank god for this awesome and seriously one of the best women on this planet, whom I talked about what had been bothering me instead of keeping it all in, sifted through some of my thoughts and worries going on in my mind…and left with a bigger heart and more love for myself and her than I would have imagined at this time.  If I had not been able to talk to her about what had been going on in my head…I don’t know how the rest of this weekend would have gone…or my travels home.  I’m pretty sure I would have been a disaster.

But not only did I have the love and support of her, but over a dozen bloggers who sent me a Tweet or a message about how to fight the fight I thought I was losing, that I was better than it, that I could and would conquer the demon in my head, that I was beautiful and strong and would be able to beat my ED again and make it weaker to eventually disappear.

Thank you everyone who sent me courageous words this afternoon.  It was a tough one but with your help we can see how you helped me triumph: I’m now going out with my friends to watch a live band down the road…and tomorrow getting up to go on a motorcycle ride for the first time in my life. 

Life, right now, is awesome.  I have friends who love me, a life that leads me on adventures I never thought I would take…and of course food that I love to eat.

Thank you again. ]]

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A quick post about food as I need to get out the door!

I went out for my last day out in the field today and that of course means I was up way before the sun and definitely groggy to boot.  I needed a filling and sustaining meal for the morning so I went with my staple apple and pb oats of course.

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The nest checks went great and I saw BABIES!!!  I wish I had some pictures, I think my roomie got some, so I’ll give you those within the next few days when I get a chance.

We finished and I immediately snacked on a pear and a lovely piece of that berry and vegan chocolate chip bread.

Of course by the time we got back and were driving back home I was famished again: time for lunch!  I brought along a pb and almond butter sandwich on the last of my sourdough with another apple.  As you can tell I’m running out of food.

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If all that weren’t enough I was still hungry, and dug into my emergency stash of bars in my backpack and picked the one most packed with protein to hopefully help keep me full:

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That helped…but I wanted chocolate; go figure.  So I dug into the last of my chocolate TJ’s pretzels…and that’s what led to the meltdown.  Oiy.

And with the suggestion of a blogger, I wrote this on the side of my desk, directly next to my bed so it’s the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.

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You should make one too.

I made a quick dinner to help settle my tummy and it was pretty tasty to say the least with my lacking creativity: Gardien Chicken with extra rosemary and tomato slices.

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Sauteed it all up…went very well together!  And of course some fruit on the side: MANGO!

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So freak’n juicy.

Ok, I have to run now to get to the concert at the bar down the street!

GOOD NIGHT~! 

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13 Responses to Meltdown

  1. Mama Pea says:

    I wish I had seen your Tweet. If there's anything I can do, let me know. I hope you have a fun fabulous night and leave ED at home. He sucks.

  2. Jenny says:

    We're always here for ya!

  3. Lindsey @ Sound Eats says:

    I love you so much, and am so glad I could help. I can't wait until Sunday!!! :)

    Side note: I saw the gardein chicken and had to take a double take because I thought it was real chicken and you hadn't told me you were eating real meat again!

  4. Gena says:

    Oh, my sweet friend. I'm really upset that I didn't see your tweet. I hope there is no "next time," but if there is, I hope I'll be there. You can ALWAYS call me if you're worried that ED is bossing you around.

    I'm thinking of you and sending you great wishes. This was a rough week for my family — it seems that a lot of sadness is circulating. I'm hoping for brighter skies next week!

  5. Heather says:

    Stay strong! I hope you were able to leave your ED at home and have a great night.

    We are always here for you!

  6. ktbwood says:

    GIRL YOU ARE SO AWESOME!!! good for you for realizing your thoughts and being HONEST. i love you tons!

  7. Jessica @ The Process of Healing says:

    I'm so proud of you girl. You CAN beat this!! Always, always here for you, even though you barely know me. You're not alone! Every day is a NEW day.

  8. lynn @ the actors diet says:

    glad you are feeling better. your honesty is what's helping you get through this!!!

  9. Vaala ◪ says:

    It sounds like you have a lot going on so it's only natural that you were struggling. Just try and be kind and gentle to yourself. Awesome to here that life is good again though…you are stronger than you know :)

  10. E says:

    It's okay girl, I have my ups and downs too and it's hard to have the "right state of mind" when we're in our down moments. Just think of how much improvement you've made and sometimes that makes me feel better : )

  11. Gabriela says:

    So proud of you for kicking ED's butt :) We all have those moments, and it's so awesome that you recognized that it was ED's voice, NOT your own. Glad you got some sage advice…bloggies are the best, aren't they? Hope you have a fantastic Saturday love!!

  12. Rachael says:

    Transitions tend bring ED out for me. I've moved 19 times in the past seven years – each time brings about a couple of weeks of being "geographically cured" before the same negative thoughts take over. It's tough plugging in to new friends and new networks, but it sometimes helps to remember that many other people are in the a similar position – new places and faces.

  13. Amanda says:

    hey girl! i just came across your blog and i too understand where you are coming from. i want to follow you on twitter…i'm amandakparis, so if you get a request, it's me :) hang in there, you are spectacular!

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