Confession for Current Motivation

[[Side Note: Confidence

So, you know how some women buy lots of shoes? I buy these instead:

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B.I.K.I.N.I.S.

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And these…

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are just the few…

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that I brought from home in California…

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have more of at home…

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and found three more at Target I want to buy.

You’d think I’d buy myself more and better running gear since I’m still “that girl” that runs in cotton sports bras and running shirts that she’s owned since, oh, 10th grade in HIGH SCHOOL.

But there is something about bikinis…that just makes life that much more worth going out for.

My bikinis give me confidence.

At one time, I was horrified to wear a bathing suit to the beach or the pool.  Granted, I would wear them, but they were never shown off.  I would wear the cover up or shorts and tank top on top of them the entirety of my time at the beach.  I had serious break downs when people tried to get me to go in the water, or stole my shorts so I would have to wear my bikini and show some skin.

But no more.

Since last year, I have become much more comfortable with wearing them and letting others see me at my most “exposed.”  For instance, after spending time with Meghann at the beach with her family, I gained an incredible amount of confidence.  It was enlightening to see such a beautiful and young woman be so comfortable with her body.  I cannot ever remember being as comfortable as she showed ever in my life (in a bikini, at the beach).

There was also my Miami and Florida Keys adventure that I had with Brad.  That, was the biggest eye opening experience for me ever.  I especially had never been comfortable with my body with any of the boys that I’ve dated (the few there have been; haha), and he was the first.  I was not afraid to run around on the beach in my bikinis, I was not afraid to take risks with things I had never experienced or eaten, I was able to LIVE.  It was amazing how much confidence I was able to build up by having him be normal and my buttons pushed to do “normal” things that I was insanely terrified to do.

Those things have led to now.  Because of it, I don’t know how much I weight since I don’t have a scale.  I was doing measurements when I was working on Angela’s Whittle My Middle Challenge, but I stopped that soon thereafter.  I have been going according to how much clothes fit and how much strength I have.  Things may be tight here and there, but I’m finding room for adjustment in my life and the things I eat.  I live a hectic life being in the field all the time, but it attributes to some awesome stories I get to tell to family and friends.

And as of right now, I give credit to this sort of transformation to these two events/situations mainly, plus many more.  Not only those, but the support of my family, friends and bloggers that I can’t thank enough.  It’s been a whirlwind but things have started to finally settle where they should, and I can smile whenever I want to, instead of worrying.  ]]

Whew, it has been a long two days.  I finally got to catch up on some google reader this afternoon after being out for 12 hrs yesterday and then having to fly this morning.  I’m still kinda doped up on dramamine, but at least it helped me not get sick like last time!  Yikes!

I knew fair well that I needed to have a good and hearty breakfast so I resorted to my best staple for that: Cinnamon Banana Oatmeal with Almond Butter.

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We flew for about 4 hrs and in the mean time consumed an insane number of whole wheat saltines and a Chocowalla Odwalla bar.  I didn’t bring my camera with me this time as I knew it wouldn’t be anything you haven’t seen before.  There were a lot of crackers though; I now feel like one.  Erp.

I came home and napped, trying to get the dramamine to finish wearing off (and I only took 1/2 the pill!!!) and woke up to a lighter lunch.

Fage Greek yogurt w/ a peach and strawberries and two Carrot PB Cookies.

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I was in a snacky mood and somehow this made it’s way out of my freezer…probably because chocolate has been on my brain for the past three days and I have been resisting…or at least trying to.

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Until now.

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Seriously, I should never have these in my possession.  Too many are consumed in one sitting.  Luckily I was smart, took a scoop out, mixed it with some dry roasted cashews and peanuts, and put it back in the fridge. Go me!

I’m off to do some paperwork, some resume/cover letters and job applications, then out for a run with some strength training and dinner!  Maybe I’ll post dinner, we’ll see.  It already seems pretty boring according to how lazy I feel about cooking tonight.  We’ll see!

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20 Responses to Confession for Current Motivation

  1. Jenny says:

    can't.stop.smiling. Your self-confidence WARMS MY HEART!!! I'm sure you look like such a stunnah in those bikinis .. rock 'em with pride you GORGEOUS gal!!!!!

  2. moretolifethanlettuce says:

    i'm sure you look bangin in those bikinis!! you are beautiful in ANYTHING i swear! it really is all about confidence, how you wear it. yum those mini pb cups would get demolished by me so quickly!

  3. itsawrapteacher says:

    You are amazing with your body confidence. I'm like how you used to be. I have cute bikinis but cover myself up. One day….

  4. Jenny says:

    You are so inspiring! I bet your body looks rockin' in your bikinis:) Way to go lady!

  5. ktbwood says:

    YESS LOVE THE CONFIDENCE! i know you ROCK those bikinis! you look like a exotic goddess!

  6. Gabriela says:

    Props to you for the confidence to wear those awesome bikinis! Love your positivity in this post :)

    Those TJ's PB cups are legit crack. My BF's mom sent him some and we ate the entire container in a sitting. SO. GOOD.

    Have a great night girl!!

  7. Emily says:

    This post was awesome. I'm so happy for you and am so glad that you're feeling (as you should!). :)

  8. lynn @ the actors diet says:

    pretty bikinis! go girl!

  9. Gena says:

    Love this!!!

    Jeans were my bikinis. For a long time post-ED, I felt so uncomfortable in denim. But actually, finding jeans I loved, that were soft and fit me well, became a major triumph and a way of getting comfortable with a kind of self love I'd lost.

    In the last decade of my life, I think I've collected about 20 pairs. Ridic.

    I'm *still* shy in bikinis, but that doesn't stop me! I'll be in Ft. Lauderdale in April and I can't wait to bare it all.

  10. Jeri says:

    I'm the same way w/bikinis I probably own 20 of them. :s And even though I'm usually pretty self concious about my body, for some reason when I throw on a swimming suit, I'm not. It's random, for sure, but whatever. :)

  11. Jessica @ The Process of Healing says:

    Yay for the bikinis!!!! That makes me so happy for you!! Go buy all the bikinis your little heart desires… because being confidant in a bikini is pretty much the end-all, be-all of confidence. And you look awesome in them love!

    Glad you didn't get sick!! Medicine effects me the same way. If I take anything, it knocks me out. God forbid a whole pill… i'd be out for DAYS!!!

    Those pb cups… oh boy. Can't have them in my house. SO addicting!! but oh so darn good…

  12. Astra Libris says:

    I am so inspired by this post!! Thank you so much for your wise, uplifting words!! I'm so happy for you – and those bikinis are soooo pretty, just like you! :-)

  13. Runeatrepeat says:

    Yeah for bikini confidence :)
    You're hot, work it!

  14. Whitney says:

    I collect bikinis as well. For some women it's shoes, for me it's bathing suits :)

  15. Katie says:

    Hell yeah for bikini confidence! I remember when I first started reading over a year ago you talked about your bikini love… makes me so happy!

    I just got two new ones this weekend… can't wait to rock them (in July).

  16. Tracey @ TropicalHappiness says:

    You are addicted to bikini's! Love it! I'm so happy to hear that you have become more confident in yourself and your body. That's awesome, and even more awesome that you are willing to share your story!!!!

  17. Meghann says:

    awww.. you made me blush.

    I would neverhave known you were uncomfortable in you bikini, you are a strong, beautiful woman with a rockin' body and don't let anyone ever for get that!

    I have a bikini obsession too! I think I won more bikinis then I own shoes. I definitely own more than purses, I have ONE! lol

    Love ya pretty lady!! :)

  18. Amanda - RunToTheFinish says:

    wow..i do not buy or like bikinnis..i do not want to really think about the fact that I now wear one a lot. I know that my body is not where I want to be physically, but I do want to enjoy myself so I put in on and try to forget it

  19. Erica says:

    hahaha so cute! I love bikinis too! And I'm glad to hear you're feeling ever more confident in them- you are one gorgeous lady!! I want to try those little TJs pb cups- they look so darn tasty. Happy St. Patrick's day ;)

  20. Krista says:

    Those bikini's are great and I'm glad you can wear them with ease now. Frolicking on the beach is so much fun!!

    Mmmmm….PB cups….

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