um yes…my stress is rolling into other fields of past hardship…
i’m very anxious right now.
so, here’s the situation. as many of you have read in previous posts i don’t like to have a scale because the number on it is the devil in my eyes and will inevitably rule my world if i figure it out. well…we have this scale at work and some of the guys were joking if it was accurate or not. they all got on it and proceeded to deem it correct since their weights were spot on and such. then there was the laughter and, “it’s your turn now melissa…how much do you weigh? lets see if it’s right?” i tell them the last number i know from over 4 months ago (yay for me for not weighing myself for that long!) and get pushed on the scale…
then, damn. my heart literally sinks.
it’s different; up to be precise. not by much, but up. and i feel devistated…damnit (i don’t want to feel that way!!!!!).
so then i think about it in my head, but it doesn’t help because i’m simply so mentally weak right now i can’t. i reason out why it could be up (maybe i had just drank some water, had already eaten, needed to pee, etc.), even though my clothes have been getting loser as i’ve been doing more strength training…but unfortunately, the guilt stays.
[[bites nails and pulls hair]]
i don’t know why i have been so weak about this…i’ve been holding back about posting it for a little bit, but i simply can’t take it anymore….
errrr……i’m so frustrated.