Trying to Heal

I know it’s only Tuesday and not Birding Thursday, but I submitted this for an Audubon Contest and thought I would share it all with you.  Enjoy.

“In the spring of 2009 I took my first field technician job in Central Florida. I was told my job was going to be long, hard, frustrating and extremely dirty; studying birds in the hand is never easy. But, I never knew how rewarding it was going to be. I arrived with so much excitement, and was immediately thrown on an airboat. Being the amazing machines that they are, we jolted forward into the heart of Lake Tohopekaliga. The wind and splash of the lake water was amazing to feel, and leading us straight out to one of the most amazing birds on the lake, the Snail Kite.

I had never seen one in my life; I did not even know what they looked like until two months before I took the job. But the second I saw one, I knew. The slate black of his body was amazing, the vibrant orange of his beak, and piercing red of his eyes were unmistakeable. He took off into the air with the noise of our engine, his white rump reflecting the sun and harsh cackle filling the air above us.

I was speechless in his presence. I watched him in awe and then the best thing happened, there were so many more. First it was an adult female rising up out of the typha, followed by a first year bird, which was almost hard to distinguish next to the female. But one after the other, they soared into the sky, then back into the typha to hide away from our company.

I spent 6 months studying these birds across Central Florida and the Everglades and still to this day, cannot remember a time I have been more impressed by a bird.”

(Hard at work…or play.)

1.  What is one of your favorite ways to spend a Saturday?

Normally I would love to go for a long run, but that’s not happening right now.  So as of late, I’ve been enjoying a nice cup of green fruit tea and a good book!

2.  List your top three favorite TV shows.

Parenthood, Bones and Happily Ever After! I’m addicted to them!  Oh, and Revenge!

3.  Would you rather be in pictures or take them?

I’ve always been the picture taker.  I try to make pictures more than just, smile for the camera kind of quality!

4.  Why do you blog?

I blog because… I just want to.  It’s fun because I get to make friends through my blog, recover through my blog, and spread environmental awareness through my blog!

5.  Share five websites that you visit regularly…

Gmail, iGoogle, Google Reader, Foodgawker and Twitter.  Guess I like Google…haha.

6.  If you could have lunch with one person from your Twitter list who would it be?

The president of World Wildlife Fund!  I want to pick that company’s brain!

7.  List a few of your favorite snacks.

Hummus and crackers, banana bread with pb, smoothies and lots and lots of cashews and trail mix.  I eat way too many cashews and pistachios!

8.  Do you have a pet? If so, what kind?

I have a crazy cat, Honey. I adopted her from the Humane Society almost two years ago!

(She used to be so tiny and cute…hehe)

9.  Which three material possessions would you struggle to live without?

My flip flops, baseball caps and laptop.  What can I say, I’m pretty relaxed…and really don’t need my cell phone.

10.  What’s your favorite drink?

Cucumber water, homemade! Soooo refreshing!

11.  Do you enjoy cooking?

I enjoy baking more than cooking.  Breads, cakes, muffins, pastries, those are more my thing…I tend to cook the same things over and over again because I’m always afraid I’ll mess it up and make it taste awful!

12.  Do you have children?

Does a fur-baby count? Haha

13.  What are your favorite hobbies?

I love traveling and exploring new places and trying new foods!  Running has been a hobby of mine since as far back as I can remember and reading is a huge part of my life too.  But above all, birding is probably my biggest hobby, since it’s my job too!

14.  Would you consider yourself to be shy or outgoing?

So shy…

15.  If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?

Oh geez, is it sad that I don’t know what to pick?  One thing, I would recover completely from my eating disorder, if that even exists.  I am tired of living my life with one.  Otherwise, I want a new colon; my current one hates me with a passion.

16.  Who is your favorite actor/actress?

Actor:  Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor

Actress:  Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock

17.  What’s the coolest thing you’ve done this week?

I cant’ say I’ve done anything cool…maybe that I was dedicated and did all my strength training for the week!

18.  Do you live near your family or far from them?

I guess it all depends on your definition of far and near…but I live about 150 miles away from my parents, about 170 from one of my brothers and 3,500 from my other brother!

19.  List three of your talents.

I can play the piano, flute and piccolo

I make really good cheesecake, even when I mess it up (haha)

I plan really great surprise parties! I’ve never had one not be successful!

20.  What is your greatest attribute?

I think it’s my growing spontaneity.  I used to be a super crazy planner but now am more of a “fly by the seat of my pants” kind of girl which I think makes me more fun!

Oh the debacle.  I have been going around and around this for many many months: Should to become a full on vegan?

I am already basically there because of many reasons which I feel I have never explained, and I think by the end of writing about all of them…may convince me to essentially become a full vegan!  Hah…oh the irony.  Anyhow, there are several overall reasons why I decided to go vegetarian almost 9 years ago, and vegan now.  Let me explain!

1. The Environment

(Wild horses near my apartment)

- You all know how important the environment is to me.  I live to preserve what is left of every unique wild area and to restore the areas that are in dire need of help and rescue.  I have read so many articles about how 70% of the original Amazon Rainforest has been deforested and is now geared towards agriculture and growing livestock for human consumption.  There are also studies that talk about the amount of pollution occurring from livestock fecal runoff creating dead zones and irreversible topsoil erosion, that 8% of the global freshwater sources are used on livestock, and contributing to greenhouse gas emissions aiding in climate change.  My heart hurts just thinking about all of deforestation occurring, the loss of so many endangered or threatened species, and the suffocation of our coral reefs on every coast.

2. Health

(What I got this week in my local and organic produce box)

(Good ol’ Farmer’s Market)

-To me, not eating meat is only one part of the equation of being vegan.  Some may say that I’ve taken it to the next level or too extreme, etc. but I believe that going local and organic is also a big part of being vegan.  By limiting the amount of miles that your food has to travel and what is used to grow it is important to really making an impact with this way of life.  I believe that without the use of herbicides and pesticides on our food we are decreasing our likelihood of getting cancer, diabetes or a plethora of other diseases.  Not only that, but you limit the amount of pollution and rises in levels of nutrients like phosphorus and nitrogen that suffocate various plants and fish.  Plus, you can also get to help out the people in your community and learn more about your food from them first hand!

3. Animal Cruelty

(On a ranch I used to work at)

This is another huge factor for me. I’ve read the books and articles, watched videos by various organizations like PETA and documentaries like The Cove, and seen and smelled the dairy and meat farms first hand from the highway.  The conditions in which these animals are housed in, the torture they go through and how their lives are ended to become something on your plate just isn’t something I could ever stomach (no pun intended, hah).  I don’t think that anything with a working nervous system should have to live a life in a hell like that, it just isn’t humane when you could simply just, not eat them.

~~

So, my problem right now that is keeping me from becoming a full on vegan is one thing: Eggs.  Most people have a problem with giving up cheese, but since I have never been a big cheese person, it wasn’t hard for me eliminate.  But eggs…  When I do eat them, I try to eat the best eggs I can find, which are cage free and organically fed but still, sometimes I think that well…that could have been a chicken.  Sometimes I get cravings for eggs and I guess that I have found that when I am sick with my GI issues (that are still being investigated, news to come) eggs are the only thing that sits well and keeps me from feeling too weak and even more sick.

So this is where my problem lies, I don’t know if I want to give up eggs.  I feel like a hypocrite sometimes when I talk about eating them even though I try and buy the ones that are better than the regular ones you buy at the grocery store…Sigh.  I know I can compensate for it’s nutrients with other delicious foods like the ones I’ve eaten below over the weekend…

(Tofu Spring Rolls with Peanut Sauce)

(PB, Apple Butter and Banana Toast)

(Veggies, grainless crackers and lots of hummus)

(Black beans with veggies on a tossed salad)

So, eggs? No eggs?

[[Side Notes: The Blog

I saw my councelor this week after almost three weeks and had a lot to discuss.  There were many instances during the holidays that had me pulling my hair and well, scrutinizing myself in every way shape or form about my body.  It was hard at times, but she helped by pointing out that even though there were irrational/negative thoughts, that I didn't go through with them and punish myself afterwards. I was always strong enough to walk away from those thoughts and be the stronger woman.

She always asks me how my blogging is going and truthfully, I told her that I was discouraged.  I have been watching the stats and interest in the blog drop since I switched to my new website address and that things just aren't like they were.  I discussed how the only time I really get any response is when I write a Side Note, but that I hadn't felt any need to write one lately.

"Ding ding ding," she says..."Melissa, do you realize that the reason you're not writing Side Notes as much is because you really are getting better?  Yes there are still hard times that make you frustrated, but you must be having less and less of them if you don't have to write those entries anymore and ask for your friend's support."

I had never thought of it that way.  I suppose that for some time, I have felt like I have always been identified by my eating disorder on the blog and that if it wasn't there to talk about, who would want to talk to me or read the blog?  Of course that's crazy, but the thought has been there. 

So I as write less and less Side Notes (yay!) I feel like I have less and less content to write about on the blog. I love writing about the environment, but the realm that I'm involved in is not as concerned for the most part with the environment as much as I am.  I'm always frustred how to put myself out there to make people more aware of how the environment is affected simply by your everyday life and things we eat...but yeah.  I don't know, I'm kind of at a loss.

But, the point of this Side Note was to point out that well, I really am making some progress after all these years!  My Side Notes have helped since they started over two years ago and as they may dwindle, I'll still be around and healing...since I even had a moment where I told Whit I looked fat...I can't even begin to describe how crazy I thought I was the second that came out of my mouth.  Body dysmorphia problems still to work on.... ]]

My brother came to visit me this week and I decided it was “take your brother to work day!”

Like last week with Whit, I took Craig on my mountain hike with me because as I said before, it’s fun, but I don’t like hiking it alone because there are bears and mountain lions! Yep!

It was definitely colder this time because we had a haze that kept the warmth of the sun out, but it was still just as gorgeous.  I can never get over these views.

I was actually a bit worried about this hike because as of last week when I finished it, I have had some really bad pain in my right hip, which is the opposite one that I let rest all of December.  The pain has been on the very outside of my right hip and felt literally just below the skin, but would hurt every time I took a step up on the stairs and out of the step with my right foot.  It was killer so obviously I was worried.  But, within a few steps something I assume just kind of “moved” and bam, no pain! I was smiling larger than the sun and it made the hike so much more enjoyable with my bro!

We finally got home around 3 and after cleaning up started on getting some dinner ready because we were famished!  I had some extra french bread left over from last night’s homemade minestrone so I let my brother use it to make some French Bread Pizzas for dinner while I used a Flat Out wrap for mine!  We topped them with lots of veggies, some chik’n tenders and cheese for Craig.  I love pizza!

(sorry for the bad picture!)

I have work super early tomorrow morning and then get to head down and see my boy for the night of some sushi and Mission Impossible four!   Yay!

I’m sorry to have left you hanging all of this weekend, but I was busy partying it up in San Diego…I know, me?  Party?  Ok, it’s probably a bit of an overstatement but I did have a good time celebrating one of my best college friend Dana’s bachelorette party.

Oh, and the pink and blond part?  I borrowed a wig from a friend and wore it part of the night…switching off between that one and a hot pink one.  Dana didn’t even recognize me with the blond one.  And my Dad didn’t know it was me either in a picture I showed him.  Hah!

(I’m so embarrassed to share this picture…)

It was an eventful night and I’m sad I didn’t get to hang out with my friends some more.  Living 3-4 hours away from them and my moving away in a few months makes it so hard to see them as often as I’d like!

I got home super late on Sunday and had a super early morning for work today, so you can bet I was pounding the coffee.  Luckily it was absolutely gorgeous out in the field today so I was able to stay awake and alert!  How could you not!

So random meal to show you, but I felt the need to after seeing Jenn make fajitas and posting about it on her blog today.  I couldn’t resist making a vegan version of her fajitas for my dinner tonight!  I just added some garlic and cumin to a mix of 1/2 a block of tempeh, onions, bell pepper and mushrooms.

I had it on a Flat Out Wrap like Jenn too, who originally got me to start eating them! I like them more than using tortillas because they don’t break!  Yay!

Hope your week is starting off on the right foot!  After a my weekend with my girl’s I was ready to work out some of that alcohol for sure…3 mile walk, 20 min boot camp and some relaxing yoga to round out the day!

Now it’s time to play with Honey…she’s giving me the stink eye because I left her for the weekend…

Meow!